there is no such thing as a monkey dream

Last night, Scott sat on the couch between our cat, Toby and our new dog, Flash.
Toby seemed a little cagey.
Mostly, because Flash was trying to smell his nether regions.
Flash looked clueless.

We think Flash has selective vision. Sometimes he sees Toby and freaks out.
Other times he walks by him completely unaware of his presence.
And Scott? Scott was in heaven.

He has been training them to eat next to each other.
He longs for them to be best friends.
I am thinking Toby is not down with the idea.
Seeing that he has tried to claw Flash's eyes out on several occasions.

But the other day, Scott looked at me and said,
"The dream is almost complete...all we need is a monkey."

Clearly.
Because two teenagers, a ten year old boy,
 a dog, a cat and a hamster are not enough.

What dream is this, you are asking?
The carny dream?
Has my husband been dreaming of running a side show out of our living room?

Yes.
Yes, he has.

For some reason, he has harbored the golden dream of owning a dog
who comes with a tiny saddle,
that is ridden by a monkey.

This dream has secretly been fed by the knowledge that the pastor's wife of his youth
ACTUALLY HAD A MONKEY.

Scott likes to call me the dream killer.
I say I am practical.

Let's just start by saying that our dog is tiny.
So a chimpanzee would crush it. Even a spider monkey is too big.
Not that I would allow a spider monkey.
Didn't we all learn from Ross in Friends and Outbreak that spider monkeys are Satan's minions?
We did.

And then there is the fact that Flash is part Jack Russel terrier.
I have seen him mortally wound a Beanie Baby kitten,
a plush Angry Bird and throttle a Perry the Platypus puppet.
He shakes the life out of them.

So if in fact there were a small enough monkey to ride Flash?
He would revert to his hunting instincts and make a snack of it.

And then as far as the monkey goes?
I did diapers for years. Years.
I am not diapering a monkey.

That being said. I don't want to be a dream killer.
But how about we go with something less wild...
something that is not able to pull out our hair or poke our eyes with its tiny thumbs?

How about a dog, a cat, a hamster and....a goldfish?
I would even be open to a lizard or salamander.
As long as it is kept outside.

I'm not unreasonable.
But all I know is that the monkey dream is one that will have to wait until heaven.

Or until Scott decides to quit pastoring and take up with the rodeo.
Where they actually have monkeys that ride dogs.

Then I guess....
the dream really would be complete.