reservations

Yesterday I set about making reservations for our trip
back east for Christmas.
I set up the laptop on the kitchen table,
like a mini-command center, so I could watch the children
while completing my task at hand.
But wouldn't you know it, I could not figure out how
to get the flight that I wanted online.
When I typed in "flight leaving at 11:00 am"
they offered me "flights leaving at 6:00 am, 4:45 pm or 6:00 pm"
And when I tried to type in the specific flight number I wanted,
because I actually knew the number, since my sister is flying on it,
the screen said to me basically,
"You are cuckoo crazy to think there is a flight with that number."
So my laptop command center became a cell phone command center
as I decided to call the reservations 800 number.
And then I was dealing with an automated voice person,
asking me questions, like....
"What I think you have said is you would like a flight leaving
San Francisco, is that correct? Please say "yes" if that is correct?"
"Yes."
But at the exact time I would say "Yes",
Addison, would run behind my chair,
baby babbling and ramming his scooter into the wall,
and the fake robot agent would say,
"I'm sorry, I did not understand what you are saying,
I think you said you would like to go to Hong Kong
(or some other foreign place), is that correct?
Please say "yes" if that is correct?"
"No!"
To which, Addison would zoom back behind me, shrieking with baby glee,
and me and pleasant voiced un-human guy would have to start over.
So I just started saying, "Help! Operator! Help!"
Trying to figure out the code word for
"Connect me with a real person, for goodness sakes!"
"I'm sorry, I don't understand what you are saying.
That is not an option. Would you like me to repeat the question?"
Say "yes" if you would like me to repeat the question."
"No! For the love of God, do not repeat the question!
Help me! Someone who is real and is not made up of computer chips!
Help me!"
"Would you like to return to the previous menu?"
"No!"
At some point he offered me the option of saying the word "agent".
"AGENT!" I shrieked into the phone.
"I'm sorry but what I think you said is that you would like to speak with a reservations specialist. Is that correct?
Say "yes" if you would like to speak to a reservations specialist."
"Yes! Agent! Reservations specialist!" I wept into the phone.
"Hold for one second while I connect you to a reservations specialist."
And it was only when the sweet voice of a real live person
came on the line and I completed the unbelievably long process
of reserving 5 tickets and receiving my 14 digit reservation code:
M as in Mary, I as in Inglebert, P as in Pathetic and so on
did I realize that Addison was no longer screeching behind my head.
In fact, it was abnormally quiet at command central.
That and the fact that I heard faint rustlings coming from my closet
caused me great concern and heart palpations.
I went to investigate, finding I could not open the door to my closet,
since Will and Addison had pulled down every article of clothing
and created a pants/blouse/skirt barricade blocking themselves in.
If I could have kicked in the door I would have.
Will, plaintively, explained through the door that
he kept asking Addie if he should pull down more clothes,
to which Addison would agree, yes, by all means pull down more clothes,
which is the answer you would most likely expect from a toddler.
I started yelling punishments through the door
since I could not actually see my children....
no computer, time out on the bed, no chocolate for the rest of your life.
Just so you know, the children are alive and well,
free from the closet and punishments duly served.
But from now on, I believe I will leave the reservations up to Scott.