Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I live with 4 males.
Therefore we have weaponry.
We have rocket launchers and squirt guns.
We have plastic bows and arrows with suction cups on the ends.
We have teensy tinesy lego starwars blasters
and pens that transform into missiles.
If by some odd chance, the boys can not find their toy weapons,
the odd stick or rock will do.
Just last week, Addison tried to take out Will with the
surprisingly skillful wielding of a light saber.
The force was with him.
I'm okay with it. I know it is all little boy testosterone laden play.
But I was organizing Scott's office this week, you can imagine the joy,
the rapture, the awe, as Will found Scott's martial arts weapons
that had been carefully tucked away in the closet.
I ask you, tsgs, why must I, on top of everything else, deal with
nunchuks? Why?
Several times I have told Scott that we must get rid of the nunchucks,
and especially, the weird three pointed sword looking things.
And he looks on me with disdain.
What if someone broke in and he wasn't here to protect me?
I could use the nunchucks to take the guy out.
Now let me just tell you right now, people,
if you put a pair of nunchucks in my hands
and face me off with a scary intruder
there will be only one person getting hurt.
That would be me as a I flung the nunchuck around
and was bashed in the head by the other flailing end
as it sailed back around.
Nunchucks and Sue don't mix.
As for the three pointed thing, I believe it is used to fend off swords
and I'm pretty certain most cat burglars do not engage in sword play.
Anyway, Will was utterly enthralled.
He knew Scott was a black belt
but had no idea there were self-defense weapons involved.
He gazed at Scott with open admiration,
"The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles use those things, Dad."
Scott grinned back at him with a prideful gleam in his eye.
Later as I was straightening the desk, Will asked,
"Mommy, did Dad ever kill anyone with his weapons?"
Like it would be perfectly fine and acceptable to him if he had.
So then we had the big conversation about martial arts
and how these weapons were used for practice and not for hurting people,
just agility training and how Daddy took those classes for self defense
and to learn how to protect himself
not so he could dress up like a ninja and kill people.
And I think Will really heard me. I think he heard,
"Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah." And thought to himself,
"My dad is cool. He has weapons."
And this is the point at which I take the martial arts tools of death
and bury them in the back yard and go make myself a cup of tea.
Because life is short and I really do not want to be worrying about
rounding the corner with a basket of laundry and find myself
facing down Crouching Tiger Hidden Will.
You have to draw the line somewhere, tsgs, you really do.


Jodie said...

Hey, I think that spikey weaponry is called a battle flail. You gotta have some appreciation for that sort of torture device, that may end up in the hands of your child, right? :) Dads and their toys. :)

scott aughtmon said...

The weapons I have are actually called "Sais". But "battle flails" sound cool! :)

You can see what some sais look like here.

Jekissa said...

LOL!! I can so relate to this! I can't count the times I've had to dodge plastic swords and light sabers! And although we don't own any Ninja weapons, we do own the redneck sort.
Thanks for the laugh as usual, Sue!

Lindsey said...

You had me laughing out loud!

Tonja said...

I came upon your blog, and have really enjoyed reading it. I am the mother of 3 boys...all grown now. But your writing brings back such fun memories. You are so wise to be documenting these experiences. I wish blogs had been aroung when mine were small. Many things I don't remember until something like this post jogs my memory. My boys had many a light saber war, and took karate and practiced on each other. Well, what are brothers for? Right?