thoughts on mothering

Here are some deep mommy thoughts from one
tired supergirl to another....

You know it is going to be an extremely long and possibly hideous day
when you are awoken 4 times before 6:30 in the morning.
(tsg hint #27: Stock up on caffeinated beverages now...
you will need them.)

You know that you need to clean the back cubbies in your van more often
when you offer your friends a ride and while doing a hasty crumb check
you find a tiny plasticine Luke Skywalker mired in a pit of caramel
left over from last week's apple dippers,
resembling a pre-historic beast caught in the La Brea tar pits.
(tsg hint #287: If at all possible, take your friends car.
No one appreciates cubbies filled with caramel.)

You know you need to back off of the lattes when your 22 month old
begins keening at the sighting of a Starbucks sign and shrieking,
"Juice, Mom, juice!"
(tsg hint #65: Don't take your children to starbucks...go by yourself.)

You know your 4 year old has watched one (or 50) too many hours of
PBS when he can recite the entire lineup...for the whole day...
along with its varied sponsors.
(tsg hint #32: Pray that God will restore your child's brain cells back to
normal capacity. Pray very hard. He starts kindergarten in the fall.)

Or better yet, you know, you could just pray for me.
Since I have recently experienced all of these things.
And PLEASE DO NOT leave helpful tips for me in the comments
about how you excel at mothering and you have never experienced
caramel in your cubbies or that your child has never watched
even a smidge of tv and began kindergarten at the age of 3
due to superior non-television brain cells
or how your child has never woken up 20 gagillion times in the night
or how you brew your own coffee using the same grounds for a week
and send the money you save from NOT going to Starbucks,
with or without your children,
to the poor and afflicted in the Dominican Republic or
that you know of books that could prove to be a blessing and a help
to me as I struggle with my own mothering
because any spare reading time that I have,
I choose to devote to unrealistic fiction
and People magazine and of course, the Bible, and
since I am already teetering on the brink it would be wise and kind
of you to keep your perfect mothering skills to yourself
since mentioning how great you are and how un-great I am
would just send me right over the edge. Yes, it would.
But if you by chance, have struggled on occasion with caramel,
syrup, melted bubblegum or other gelatinous substances and
are on occasion, sleep deprived, slug back double half caf skinny mochas
and have watched some PBS yourself
(Piggly Winks is my personal favorite)
then BY ALL MEANS leave a comment or two.
And God bless you. Really.
Because sometimes being a mom can get a little sticky.