Thursday, July 10, 2008

swim wear

I never fail to be drawn to those magazines that say you can
attain a bikini perfect body in under 24 hours by chewing on watermelon seeds.
They just suck me right in. I love looking at the before and after
pictures of the women who lost 57 pounds who used to wear mu-mus in the water
and now sport itsy bitsy swim gear and wear high heels to the pool.
I always wonder if they actually wear their high heels to the pool.
I know that high heels elongate the calf but there is a price to be paid.
At some point fashion and poolside visits don't mix.
I know if I wore high heels to the pool I would hit a patch of wet cement
and be sent to an untimely swim in the deep end.
I remember trying the bikini + high heels look for myself
but I kept to the safety of my parent's bathroom.
The summer of my 14th year I recall trying on my mom's two piece,
a kind of Esther Williams-ish number in periwinkle blue,
and donning my white pleather pumps with bows.
I then proceeded to sing songs into the mirror with a hair brush.
Because I am a firm believer that if you wear a bikini and high heels,
you should be ready to belt out a song.
Like Annette Funicello, in those 1960-s Beach Blanket Bingo movies.
I was mesmerized by my mom's swimsuit.
We were never allowed to wear 2 piece bathing suits but one summer,
my mom bucked the system and bought the two piece,
which I think showed all of 2.3 inches of her midsection, for our vacation.
I hearted that swimsuit. Yes, I did.
But now that I can choose my own swimwear, you will not see me in a two-piece.
Unless it is a full coverage tankini.
Because that would offend the faculties of those poolside.
I now pick swimwear not based on how much flesh can be bared
but on the swimsuits sheer suck-age power.
How will the bathing suit fabric suck in the abundance of flesh
that I have going for me.
My sister, Erica, said she and her friends were having a conversation
about when to say when. When to call it quits with parading about in swim wear.
When to say you are you too old to don a swimsuit and lounge at the pool.
I say never. You get yourself a good suckage swimsuit, a sturdy pair of
no-slip flip-flops and enjoy one of the greatest sensations God ever blessed
us tired supergirls with.
The ability to feel weightless while floating in pool.
Now, that's something a girl could sing about.
With or without high heels.


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6 comments:

Jessi said...

I was just debating this very issue in my mind yesterday. I was thinking maybe it WAS in fact time to retire the suit after I took a look in the mirror and realized that my hips looked strangely like those of my aunt, who I used to look at in a bathing suit and think "awww...that's a shame". Yup, now I am the shame...but I just can't think of never swimming...so I guess I just have to give in to the facts of being old and unattractive in a bathing suit - own up to being the mom-type that I really am, but try not to advertise in my fashion choices. Oh, well. At least my little pool is in the privacy of my own back yard...it's only my own flesh and blood that might be scarred by seeing me.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

Oh AMEN sister. I hope I never get too vain (for that's what it is, really) to enjoy the water.

Lisa P said...

Thanks for your great perspective on unapologetic moms at the pool! I'm a friend of Erica's and was there when that question came up. I just listened in wonder, never knowing there was an age when we'd have to stop coming to the pool. The thought crossed my mind, Yikes, I am probably embarrassing these ladies right now! There I sat, 43 year old mother of three teenagers, wearing my bright green Ralph Lauren 2piece that I'd snaggged at TJ Maxx last fall. Oh, well I guess I'm doing my part to help tsgs know that they can enjoy summer at the pool even when their body shows they've had a full life. Keep on swimmin' sisters!

susanna said...

Swim on with your bad self, Lisa! I am sure you are rocking that green two piece like nobody's business! Squeeze Erica for me when you see her! :) love, Sue

Lisa P said...

Yeah, I don't think there was much rockin' going on! Erica's great & I can't wait til she's back so we can run, talk, pray. (Her suit was the cutest). Love your blog Sue; thanks for taking the time to write. ps I'm preordering that book too :)

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