Monday, June 29, 2009

the first and last swim class

This is the first year that I signed Addison up for swim lessons.
Since he is just three, the parks and rec guy said that the mom and toddler
class would be the one for him. I would need to be in the pool with him
So last Tuesday Addison and I showed up for our swim class.
Along with about 10 other moms with their children.
Let's just start off by saying that disrobing and climbing into a pool
with a bunch of other people that you don't know is a bit unnerving.
Layer that with the cold hard truth that everyone else had brought
their INFANTS along to swim and it is even a bit more awkward.
It was mom and baby class and then there is Sue and her giant man-child.
Addison is a bit tall for his three years and his low voice reminds
us of a trucker from the the Bronx.
I got a few stares.
I laughed out loud nervously...several times...as women were cooing and
nuzzling their babies and Addison was nearly treading water beside me
and talking in full sentences like,
"The pool is very warm this afternoon, isn't it, Mother?"
When the teachers told us to place our little ones on the side of the pool
like Humpty Dumpty and have them fall into our arms in the pool,
while other babies screeched in delight flinging themselves at their moms,
Addison performed a half gainer into the pool.
There was also a crew of daddy paparazzi present. Because these moms had brought
their husbands to snap pictures of their cuddly babies meeting water for the first time.
The sounds of photos being snapped while I was in my bathing suit really set my nerves on edge.
The class told a definite downward slide when we played the game of "The Baby in the Pool" sung to the tune of "The Wheels on the Bus".
The teachers told us we would go around the circle and we would all be required to come up with our own verse with which to lead the class.
Right away I thought "The Baby in the pool goes splash, splash, splash!" Brilliant.
Wouldn't you know the girl/baby team next to me took my "splash, splash, splash" verse?
I was left scrambling and could only come up with a lame,
"The Baby in pool goes wave their hands."
Yep, you read correctly. Goes wave their hands. All of my syntax and knowledge
of the English language left me in my moment of song panic in the pool.
Then we had to play "London Bridges" and trail each other in a large loopy circle under the bridge of styrofoarm pool noodles held by the swim teachers.
All I could do was pray that I would not be the my fair lady that would be caught up in the noodle bridge during "take the keys and lock her up" part of the song.
I knew for sure that if we were locked up the teachers would get a close look at us
and know that somehow I had snuck my 11 year old into a mom and baby swim class.
The hour could not be over quick enough for me. Or for Addison, either.
At one point he looked at me and said, "I not a baby, Mom."
I believe we were in our car and driving away before the last mom and baby posed for the final paparrazi "climbing out of the pool" shoot.
The next morning found me back in the rec office transferring Addison to a swim class
all on his own.
And I will go back to being where I should be during swim class.
Sitting in the shade reading a book.
Praise the Lord and pass the suntan lotion...the world has righted itself.


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11 comments:

Erica said...

laughing.my.head.off.
You crack me up, Sue...and I had even heard this story already!

Bronwen said...

this made me LAUGH -- you and your man-child!!

Sharon said...

As always, thanks for the chuckle, it brightened my day.

Pamela said...

thank you, sue. i needed a good laugh this morning! not at you...with you. enjoy your poolside perch!!

Kara said...

I haven't laughed like that in awhile!!!!! That was

So.

Stinkin.

Funny.

Seriously!!

I actually laughed so much that Makenna just chimed in and started laughing with me - not sure what was happening as I read your entire post with tears welling in my eyes from the giggles.

I linked to you from my blog so that everyone can read it.

Really Good Sue. Classic.

Just Me,Pilgrim said...

So you didn't leap out of the pool and "accidently" splash water out of all of the cameras and film of the daddy paparazzi? I'm impressed...cuz that's what I would have done.
And gee thanks... now I'M trying to imagine a bunch of verses for The Baby in the Pool and have that darn song going through my head. Great.

eternity driven said...

oh my goodness!! Laughing hard out loud!! this was fantastic!!!! :)

Amy Liz said...

So, so funny...and so very, very REAL! I haven't laughed this hard in a long time. :)

Marie-France said...

so funny I was crying...kids kept asking what's so funny....you crack me up! I think you should work the comedy clubs....seriously!

Leslie said...

I'm signing JD up for his first swim class too and fear I will have a similar result. If anyone tries to "take the key and lock me up" though, they're getting punched in the face. I'm just sayin.

LesP

Robin said...

You are HILARIOUS!