One reason is because I remember thinking weddings were about the most boring thing in the world when I was a child.
Another reason is because I actually want to enjoy weddings when I go to them
instead of being in a high state of mommy alert during the entire ceremony.
So up until this point I have always arranged childcare when attending these
states of wedded bliss.
But this past weekend my boys experienced their first wedding.
And I brought a wide range of bribery with me.
Gummies, animal crackers, new drawing supplies and also,
there were the veiled threats, just in case the bribery didn't work.
It was an outdoor wedding in a garden setting at a brewery.
Very beautiful. But there were grounds. Sloping hills and fauna abounded.
Do you know what happens to small boys when they see grounds?
They want to run. There were also a large number of boulders and rock beds.
Do you know what boulders and rock beds lead to? Jumping and throwing rocks.
Just writing this is making me a little tense between the shoulder blades.
As the wedding started I realized I was going to have to give the boys a quick
run down on wedding etiquette as Jack was sitting on the ground his legs sprawled
in the center aisle.
"This is where everyone walks...you can't put your legs there even though it is
grass and seems like a nice place for your legs.
When the bride walks down the aisle we all stand up and watch her.
We don't talk out loud and ask questions during weddings. Use a whispering voice.
Yes, even though it is outside and usually it is okay to use your outside voice outside but not in this case.
And do not stand on the folding chairs. NEVER stand on folding chairs.
(This was additional info I tossed in after Jack collapsed the folding chair in front of him.)
Got it? Got it! Gummies anyone?"
Jack was thoroughly disgusted by the whole affair.
Will was enthralled that there would be kissing. IN PUBLIC.
Addison ate a vast amount of gummies. By vast I mean maybe a whole box worth.
I stopped counting. No one went for the animal crackers.
I ate some gummies myself to calm my nerves.
We made it through. Keeping track of the boys at the reception was a bit like watching a parcour video on you tube.
There was leaping off of rocks, swinging off of railings and balancing on boulders.
At one point, Scott removed light sabers (sticks) from Will and Addison as they were re-enacting a scene from the Clone Wars near the bruschetta and hummus table.
There are some koi in a fish pond in San Diego that will never be the same.
For some reason the children felt the fish would enjoy a few rocks in their usually peaceful environment.
We lost the boys a few times in the surrounding foliage.
But I am alive. They are all alive. The fish are all alive.
And there was a rich chocolate cake served at the end of the night.
God is good.