Sunday, July 5, 2009

thoughts on a sunday night

So at a birthday party the other afternoon, I was talking to another mom, Donna,
who writes and we started talking book ideas.
I told her about some I'd been thinking about.
(When I say thinking about what I really mean is I have writer's block and am playing a lot of computer solitaire and biting my nails and pondering things like who will win "So You Think You Can Dance" and procrastinating doing my laundry and yelling at the children "Go outside - it's summer!")
And she told me about her memoir that she is working on which sounds very interesting and how about how she grew up Irish Catholic and about the guilt and such.
And I said,"Really? I'm not Catholic and I totally have guilt!"
We had a bonding moment which was a little sad that our spiritual bonding could be about guilt.
But I told her that our denomination is much more laid back than it used to be but back in the day you showed you were following God by not doing wrong things like wearing lipstick or dancing (which goes to show you why I have guilt since I am addicted to lip gloss and enjoy "So You Think You Can Dance" so much).
And she said,"Oh, I went to a legalistic church once.
It made me feel like I had to be perfect.
If you're Catholic it's okay if you sin because it's all our fault anyway."
And tsgs, after the laughter subsided, I had a playground epiphany.
Way down in my heart for lo, these many years,
I have been thinking all along that maybe someday I will wake up and be perfect and get everything right if I just try hard enough and don't do anything wrong.
Now I know this may surprise you but mostly I sin everyday and a lot of times it involves the inability to say no to chocolate.
This is very frustrating when you think you can only have a good day if you do everything right.
The problem with this line of thinking is that I keep forgetting that there is only one right person.
There is only one who is sinless and holy. That would be Jesus. Not me.
Every once in a while, I think he has to remind me of that while
I am standing out in the sun watching my kids play.
He lets me know that he knows my mess and he's currently working on my mess and he loves me regardless of my mess and maybe I should relax a little and trust him in spite of my mess.
I'm going to try to remember and do that when I wake up tomorrow.
It would be the beginning to great day.

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BizzieLizzie said...

Well, this reminder - HAS made my day! I struggle with being right - daily and know that it is HE that makes it all right! Thanks Sue for this post! Have a great week!

Melanie said...

Thanks for this - I struggle with perfectionism, too! Though I have no idea why, since clearly I am never going to get there. You're right, if I just relax a little, I'd probably be a lot closer to who I want to be anyway! BTW - SYTYCD is my FAVORITE show! I'll never forget our dancing days at Bethany - Paige as Michael Jackson! You as Bing Crosby and Leslie, Barbie and me as the Andrews sisters! Good times.

Robin said...

I love this post! I can so relate to what you say.

surfjams said...

Thank you so much for your blog, and especially for this post! I too struggle with perfectionism, and as a mom of a 4 yr old and a 5 months old, I certainly don't have it all together these days. I have been reading my sister-in-laws blog and found you on her list of favorites... Just loved the title, and sthg told me it would help me to read you... like I could relate. And I totally can because I am unable to say no to chocolate and I am addicted to so you think you can dance! No, seriously though, these things made me laugh because it's "so true!", but I love the message and was able to receive it because you are so real and human. Thanks, and I'll bookmark you right now :)