the truth hurts

Every once in a while I pick up a book that I really would never normally pick up.
I crave good fiction like a dark bar of chocolate.
But every once in a while, I will wander into Scott's office and
pick up one of the many on his desk.
They are always non-fiction.
He likes to read about 5 at a time.
This week I picked up The Complete Works of E.M. Bounds.
And I am tip-toeing through it with baited breath
because I feel as if E.M. Bounds is peering into my soul
and writing to me directly. 
The man sees through me and all my finely crafted veneers.
I believe it is the power of the Holy Spirit that is winging his words
off the page and piercing my heart.
Piercing is not pleasant, just in case you were wondering.
He is speaking about preachers in general in the chapters I have been reading
but I'm pretty sure it applies to the general population of Christ followers...ie...me.
Here is a taste of what I have been reading....

The great hindrance is in the preacher himself.  He has not in himself the mighty
life creating forces.  There may be no discount on his orthodoxy, honesty, cleanness,
or earnestness; but somehow the man, the inner man,
in its secret places has never broken down and surrendered to God,
his inner life is not a great highway for the transmission of of God's message, 
God's power.  Somehow self and not God rules in the holiest of holies.

His words have pinned me, and I am left wrestling with who I have
thought myself to be and how I invite God into my life.
And who exactly I have surrendered myself to.
(I invite you to wrestle with me and his words....I don't like to be alone in my pain).
I told Scott I think E.M. Bounds is one of the meanest people I have ever read.
With his un-political correctness and his disregard for my bruised ego.
But in all that, I am glad for his hard truth.
It is changing me.