I have realized a few things about myself in the last few years.
1) I have a huge desire to please people.
2) People are changeable...what they want can change from moment to moment...
trying to please everyone all the time is impossible.
3) I still want to do it even though it is impossible.
4) Wanting to please everyone and not being able to do it tears the joy out of my day.
5) Living this way is a one-way ticket to the crazy train.
I have been known to make up scenarios and conversations in my head
about what I think people are thinking about me when I think I have disappointed them.
I also like re-imagine conversations that I think have gone poorly. Conversation do-overs.
Sadly, I am much more brilliant in my do-over conversations than I am in real life conversations.
I am thinking this is not the way that Jesus meant for me to live.
Because that is not how He lived.
Jesus could actually read peoples thoughts...He knew when they didn't like him for real....
and He could have cared less.
He only cared about what one person thought about him.
Everything Jesus did revolved around what his Dad wanted, what He liked,
what He valued, what He had asked Jesus to do.
I am trying to follow his lead.
Stepping out of the "what ifs" and "I wonders" and "I wishes" that swirl around in my brain and onto
the firm truth of the Father's love.
If I really want to spend my days worried about pleasing someone, shouldn't it be Him?
He is not changeable. He is the same yesterday...today...forever.
He loves me completely. The good, the bad and the ugly.
He accepts me with all my faults and covers me with his grace daily.
He forgives me when I mess up (regularly) and fills me with the light of his Holy Spirit,
enabling me to be more with Him than I could ever be without Him.
If I am pleasing Him, if I am living for Him, if I am following his direction,
than I don't have to worry about if people like me or what I do or what I say.
Because I am living out my life the way that it was meant to be lived.
With his peace. His joy. His love. His acceptance. His approval. His love.
And that is an invitation to get off of the crazy train.