Friday, July 25, 2014

the sad story of my bangs

Post #2 of the Octennial Blog Celebration....
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Sunday, March 2, 2008

Sometimes people don't have time or money to get their hair cut.
So they take matters into their own hands.
Their hair dresser, who is a dear friend, knows these people sometimes
cut their own bangs and specifically told them how to cut their bangs.
But sometimes even specific instructions go horribly awry
and people end up looking like this....

like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber.
Or maybe a little bit like this....

Like Frankenstein because some people really do have high foreheads.
Or like this....

Like Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes on the Food Network...
Now mind you, this is not to say Mary Alice does not look sassy
with her short little punk rock bangs. Mary Alice has it going on.
But I do not like punk rock.
And I don't have any studded bracelets to go with my short bangs,
which by the way started out crooked,hence, I had to go shorter.
And then Scott begged me, tsgs, please do not put your picture
up on the world wide web for all of the 20 people
who read your blog to know your shame.
And he said this looking at the ground since he can no longer
look at my face for the shame of my very high bangs.
And then he had the absolute nerve to say they were still a bit
crooked and that maybe I wanted to try and have another go at them
as if I could possibly cut my bangs any shorter.
To which I shrieked, "I'm not going higher! They can stay crooked!"
And that is the sad story of my bangs.
But I did discover if I raise my eyebrows very high
my bangs look longer.
And for someone in my condition that is good to know.
I think I may try and hide my bangs
behind some large glittery barrettes.
And I know that really you would just like me
to post a picture of my hideously high bangs
but I'm trying to save my marriage, girls, I really am.
Who would have known a marriage built on love and trust
could be wiped out so easily by hideous bangs?
In the immortal words of my mother-in-law,
Pray heavy, girls, pray heavy.

4 comments:

Jennifer Wardlaw said...

OMGoodness, POST A PICTURE ALREADY, LAUGHING MAKES BANGS GROW. We both know I should NEVER do hair. Was it your I permed or Heidi's, I can't remember. I do remember one very nice lady from South Africa gently telling me to never do that again. I have complied. ;) Jen

susanna said...

I can't remember whose hair it was but you made me laugh! So let's make a pact to never do each other's hair or our own!!!! A picture is coming...much to your joy and my sadness! love you, friend!

Jennifer Wardlaw said...

Yes much to my joy... Better to laugh...better yet to laugh with a friend. =)

lizzi3marshall said...

“Everyone has their turn for messed-up bangs. Well, this go out mostly to women who DIY hair cutting.” -- I quote from an article here http://www.restylepro.com/. So, you see it’s kind of normal when you’re trying out hairstyles with bangs. ;)