i am not pregnant...but I am writing a book about it

Thirteen years ago, I flew down to LA for my first, true meeting with a publisher
about my first book that ever made it through both editorial committee
and publishers committee.
I was thrilled.
It was a gift book full of pregnancy poems and prayers.
I had been promised a contract.
It had been 4 long years of going to writers conferences and
rejection letters and all my dreams were coming true.
Maybe.
Scott and I were getting ready to move across the country to
work with my parents and Mark and Lora Batterson at National Community Church
in Washington, DC.
We were youth pastoring at the time and had moved into an apartment behind the church
that was so tiny we could sit on the couch in the living room and
open the refrigerator in the kitchen.
Scott would not be youth pastoring for the the first time in 14 years.
We were excited and sad all at the same time.
Excited to embark on a new adventure and sad to leave our church,
our family and our friends behind.
I was newly pregnant with my second, Will.

There was a lot of nausea and mood swings involved.
Basically, we were in upheaval.
Both literally (me)  and figuratively (Scott).
Pregnancy seems to do that for you....
even when you are not planning a cross country move.
And then I got the call.
No. They did not want to publish my book.
They had changed their minds.
Even after it had been approved and the style of artwork had been decided.
Getting published is a perilous process
and a book can be dropped at any point in the journey.
They were so sorry.
I sat down on the couch and wept.
In the space of two weeks following that disappointment,
I got two more rejection letters.
One of them  was the harshest I have ever received,  telling me that my writing was
"crass" and "gross" and "that I was better than that".
The editor was referring to a chapter I had written on being nauseous while pregnant.
It was clear the HE had never been pregnant.
There is a bit of grossness involved. I'm just saying.
As I threw up for the gagillionth time that day, I thought to myself,
I am crass and gross.
I told Scott, "I think I am done writing."
And I was.
It hurt too much.
The next few years I put my computer away and was lost in a haze of babies,
toddlers, sleepless nights and another cross country move.
National Community Church was sending us back out to California to church plant.
It was 5 years after that before my writing dream was realized and
my first book came out.
And now, here we are 6 years later...and we have come full circle.
The gift book of pregnancy poems and prayers
along with newly penned devotionals for pregnant moms ....
will be coming out next year.

Expectant Blessings: Prayers, Poems and Devotions for You and Your Baby

And I couldn't be more thrilled.
When I got the call that, "Yes! They would like to publish my book,"
I wept again.Tears of joy and almost disbelief. And then I laughed.
God has a funny sense of timing.
I haven't been pregnant in nearly a decade.
I am trying to remember what it felt like.
The two thoughts that I remember having during my pregnant years are:

1. I feel huge.
2. Can I be done now?

I am not sure how many devotions I can write on those two themes.
But there is one more thought that keeps popping up.
I had it in the throes of pregnancy and I am having it now.

3. God is good and his blessings overwhelm us.

I don't understand His timing. I probably never will.
But I am going with it. Whole heartedly.
Joyfully. Hopefully. Expectantly.
And I will do my best not to be crass or gross along the way.