Monday, May 29, 2017

hold on....the good stuff is coming

It has been silent over here at the Tired Supergirl blog for a more than a month.
Sometimes life comes swooping in and leaves me wordless.
I have been co-writing with my friend, Tiffany, (Plumb) and feeding boys that are never full
and getting settled into our new little cottage.

All good things.

I have been pondering what book to write next...
Jumping into a new devotional?
Finishing the fairy stories I started in college?
Diving into a book about finding yourself in the fathomless depths of God's love?
I have thoughts about them all.

All good ideas.

Then I am wrestling with the idea of going back to work full time.
Scott and I have been talking about the possibility for this past year.
With two years before our oldest leaves for college,
we know that is needed.
I was reading up on college tuition and nearly passed out.
Apparently, only Bill Gates and royal families with a secret stash of jewels
can afford to educate their children past high school.
I am having a tough time figuring out how we can pull this off.

So much to think about.

For the past decade, I have had the great privilege of writing.
It has been my dream. My dream come true.
(And on occasion, my nightmare come true...tight deadlines give me back spasms.)
So taking a step back from writing, in some ways, feels like the death of a dream.
But God has been speaking to my heart this past week.


He is the dream giver.
My dream to write....was originally His dream for me.
He takes great pleasure in the fact that I write.
It was His plan for me all along,

and secondly, He is reminding me that...

Chasing the dream is not the goal.
Chasing Him is.

A few weeks back I spoke at a women's retreat about expectations
and one of the scriptures I touched on was Proverbs 16:9.

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.

I encouraged the women there to start their day with this prayer,

"God, I don't know what today holds for me.
I have some plans but I would like you to establish my steps."

Let's be honest. I was speaking to myself.
That is the prayer that I need to be praying right now.

I think Jesus agrees because two days ago, I opened up Mornings with Jesus
to read the devotion for the day and the scripture was Proverbs 16:9 -

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.

Yesterday, three letters came to the house. My mom writes all of the grandkids each month.
She shares news about herself and Dad and what they are up to
and puts in fun tidbits about all the cousins.
Every time it comes the boys rip into it like it holds a winning lottery ticket.

I picked it up after the boys had finished reading it. And at the bottom of the letter
(after telling them how special they each were and how loved they were),
my mom had included Proverbs 16:9 -

In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.

It is almost like Jesus is trying to tell me something.

When I try to cling to my expectations, my dreams, my plans, my people, too tightly?
It's never a good outcome. Usually there is lots of disappointment.
Tears. Weeping and gnashing of teeth. It's not pretty.

But when I cling to Him?
There is a present peace in the midst of the chaos of my mind.
When I invite Him into my confusion, He brings Himself.
Wisdom. Clarity. Love. Mercy. Strength.

Every. Single. Thing. That I need. That you need. Right now.
Are found in His presence.

Clinging to a dream is like clinging to air.
It slips through my fingers. I am left empty-handed.

Clinging to Him means I can hear His heart beating with love.
For me. For my boys. For you. For this world.
His heart for us fills me with hope.
Because He alone has the power to establish our steps.
To make all things new.
To right wrongs.
To forgive our messups.
To close and open doors.
To renew our minds.
To heal our hearts.
To give us new dreams.
To bring about new seasons.

I don't know how this next year is all going to work out.
But He does.
I don't know how we are going to put three boys through college
But He does.
I don't know what I will write next.
But He does.
I don't know what me working full time will look like for our family.
But He does.
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know a lot of things.

But I know one thing.
He is good. He is love. And He is here.
And the good stuff.

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