thoughts on fear, pit leakage & sheltering in place

When I was 17, I spent the second semester of my senior year in high school
on the MV Anastasis,
a medical ship that provided global humanitarian aid around the world
with Mercy Ships ministry.

I attended the onboard school provided for the crew with my friend Heidi.

Heidi's parents, Don and Deyon Stephens, the founders of the ministry,
were my parent's friends from college.
Together we girls had convinced our parents that
a senior year adventure on the high seas was a terrific idea.
They said, "Go for it!"

When I boarded the ship in Mexico, I was hoping for three things:
friends, adventure, and maybe love.
Because giant ship and teenage girl = the love boat, right?

What I got was: friends, adventure and Miss Pedder.

Miss Pedder was a proper New Zealander, the principal of the onboard school
and our high school Bible teacher.

She was formidable. And exacting. And had high expectations.
Especially from this California teenager with over-permed hair
and a bent towards the romantic.
She didn't laugh at my jokes. She didn't have time for her students to mess around.
Or to talk in class.
It was all about work. And standards. And some more standards.
I had never met anyone quite like her.

Each Monday she would give us a chunk of scripture to memorize
and by Friday we would have to stand at the front of the class and recite God's Holy Word,
looking her dead in the eye. Alone.

I am talking serious arm pit sweats and voice tremors.
Her gaze could fell the steadiest of students.
Heidi took it all in stride. I had diarrhea every Friday.

I remember several gut wrenching recitations said with twitching lips and perspiring palms,
as her eyes pierced my very soul.

I thought maybe she was looking to see if Jesus actually lived there.

I was hoping He did and that He would give Miss Pedder the thumbs up.

Our Bible final was an oral test.
Each of us students would be called to the front of the class.
She would state the random verse in a certain section of scripture that we had memorized
during the course of the semester.

We would have to complete the next 8-10 verses. On the fly.

If you thought I was nervous during the normal recitations,
this ramped everything up. Gut rumbles. Lip quivering. Eye twitching. Pit leakage.
I was on high alert.

The scripture I was prompted to recite was Psalm 91.
Somewhat appropos for the fight or flight syndrome that was about to crash my nervous system.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. 

I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; 

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.

You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you make the Most High your dwelling-- even the LORD, who is my refuge--

then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

As I focused on the rhythm of the words and their truth,
(not Miss Pedder and my mind numbing terror),
I was able to lock in on my objective....getting to the end of the test.

And the crazy thing was, I did it.
And in an earth shattering moment, Miss Pedder responded with two words, "Good girl."
The sky broke open.
Love and hope rained down.
Gum drops and rainbows were unleashed.
And I floated back to my seat.
I had passed.

Here's the thing. There are a whole lot of us that are having a Miss Pedder moment.
We are crazy scared right now.
There are gut rumbles, pit leakage and maybe even some diarrhea.

We are facing a season of uncertainty and who would have thought it,
"a plague that destroys at midday."
We feel isolated. Nervous. Alone.
And some of us are eating so much ice cream we can only wear
stretchy pants. (Bless our hearts.)

We are scared for ourselves and those we love.
Some of us are sick, most of us are sick with worry.
There is so little control to be had.
Being scared is a part of being human.

But the truth is...God is inviting us to sink into His truth and rhythm in this fearful moment.
It is a rhythm of trusting Him with every single thing.
Our people. Our health. Our finances. Our dreams. Our futures.

He wants to cover us with His feathers.
He wants to give us refuge under His wings.
He wants to shield us with His faithfulness.

No matter what today holds or the eventual outcome...
we can find a place to rest in His hope.

It's a different kind of sheltering in place.
We are sheltering in Him.

As we encourage each other and dig into His truth, we will pass the test.
As we pray for each other, bringing each other before the Creator of the Universe,
He is reminding us that He alone, is our refuge.
He is with us.
He will rescue us.
He is protecting us.
He is answering our calls.
He is commanding his angels concerning us.
He is saving us.
And most importantly,
He is loving us. Wholly. Completely. For all of eternity.

And that is way better than a "good girl."