Tuesday, May 1, 2007

confession#5: I have hard days

I love easy days.
I prefer them.
But sometimes I have hard days. I know I am not alone.
Days that require deep breathing and large amounts of chocolate.
Some days just break me down.
I remember when I called my doctor 8 weeks after Addison was born
and left this message....
"The post-partum has hit...life feels bad...I have insomnia...I'm crying...
I don't want to hurt myself or my kids...I just want to go live in Hawaii."
She called back and said...
"Come on in. Let's get you back on track....we'll get you sleeping.
And as for Hawaii, the only way I'm sending you there
is if you take me with you."
I laughed. It felt good.
Laughter seems to ease the passage of the hard pressed life.
It seems to release something deep inside me
that needs to get out.
Today I was listening to a Casting Crowns song
while I was making lunch for the boys.
It was talking about praising God in the storm saying...
"I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away."
Now personally I would prefer the song to say....
"I raise my hands and praise the God who gives...La-la-la-la."
That's just me. I like easy.
But right now we're at not-so-easy-on-the-cusp-of-down-right-hard.
And sometimes I need to get free.
So as the song got to the part about God holding our tears in his hands,
I took a deep breath, clutched the stove, and did a startling back bend.
Will set down his ham and cheese.
I plied. I tried a pirouette. A little grapevine from aerobics class.
Addison giggled.
I leapt...swayed... lifted my hands in an awkward ballet.
My backyard neighbors would have gotten a show
had they glanced over the fence.
The boys laughed. I laughed.
I'm sure they think mommy is cracked but they like me that way.
Will and Addie joined me for a tango.
You just can't beat a good three-way-tango.
So life is still hard.
But today, I got a little free.
It feels good to laugh.
Only next time I am going to kick it up a notch.
I'm adding hip hop.

8 comments:

clements family said...

That's it...I'm coming over...and bringing my dancing shoes! This was a good one Sue. See, a little pressure from your sister never hurts! I love you, Erica

Lindsey said...

your blog is the highlight of checking my RSS feeds. love you lots--let's go have coffee this week.

Amy said...

I absolutely love your blog!
My kiddo and I move the coffee table and dance around the living room like loons when we need a good pick-me-up, too.
When all else fails...chocolate! ;o)

julie said...

Great post, Suz. Very real and very true.

Next time, how about a nice right jab, left cross, right hook and left uppercut combo? Followed by a good, strong roundhouse...either leg can lead on the kick.

That always seems to do the trick for me. Sorta freaks out my dog, but he recovers quickly.

Jekissa said...

Sue- LOL!! I think I'm gonna try this! How fitting that this stress relief idea come from you, since you are the one who taught me how to dance (in Brooke's basement.) I'll just have to watch out for the legos...

susanna said...

So glad to know that I have fellow dancers out there. I'll have to try adding some kick boxing moves! And, Amy, I'm eating chocolate chips even as I type this! :) Thanks for all the encouragement, girls!

Amy said...

Spanish lesson is now posted on my blog. :o)

upwords said...

Work it, girl. :) Save room for me!