Monday, June 25, 2007

wanty wanterson

In our family, if you epitomize a certain character trait,
it becomes your name for the day.
Like if you are cranky, as I often am,
you are called Cranky Crankerson.
Or if you are unbelievably adorable, you are Cutie Cuterson.
We have had several visits in our home,
from Fussy Fusserson, Whiney Whinerson, Silly Sillerson,
and on Addison's bad diaper days, Poopy Pooperson.
And lately my name has been Wanty Wanterson.
Because somehow, it is deep within me, to simply want more.
More furniture. More clothes. More Starbucks. More kisses and hugs.
More books. More space. More money. More fun. More travel.
More excitement. More relaxation. More muscles. More lip gloss.
And especially more time. I want more time than fits into my day.
More free time. More time at home. More time by myself.
More time to write. More time to be with people.
More time with God. More time with Scott. More time with my family.
More one on one time with my boys. More time with my friends.
That's a whole lot of more for one girl to keep bridled inside.
I am not allowing myself to go to Target at this point,
because I know I will go for diapers and come back with patio furniture.
I've been pondering this discontented person that I am.
And I have prayed on it, asking God things like,
"Why, do I right now, want so much?" and
"Is it really so wrong to want lip gloss?"
And good God that he is,
I have felt some answers brewing in my soul.
That one, I am made for more....and that is okay.
Two, that lip gloss, in and of itself, is not evil.
But mostly this question has been posed to Wanty Wanterson.
What am I doing with what he has already given me?
And on that, I am still pondering.
I think when life has hard edges and is too slippery to control,
I tell myself I need more chocolate or more cargo pants,
because I'm not sure how to deal with what I have already been given.
And I feel that at this point, God is right not to trust me with more,
until I have proven I can care for what I already have.
So I have decided, deeply spiritual person that I am,
that I will wash my car tomorrow.
Because the car is so dusty it has changed color.
And I'm sure, as I think on this,
other things will spring to mind that need tending to,
like clipping my kid's nails or encouraging Scott
or watering my tomatoes or reading my Bible or going for a walk.
Because I want to take care of the blessings and responsibilities
he has already given me.
And if I do that, then maybe my name can just be....Sue.

9 comments:

julie said...

Your line "...when life has hard edges and is too slippery to control..." very aptly describes my last week.

I needed this today, Sue. Thanks.

Leslie said...

Suebie, we call each other the same nicknames in my house. (I think it is the influence of that darned "Friends" show!) When Faith is trying to get out of trouble, she calls me Lovey Loverson...and I'm ashamed to say that she's made me laugh so hard before that I think she has gotten out of a time out or two with that one.

Van said...

So are you saying its bad to be wanty wanterson?
Van :-)

upwords said...

Totally funny. Totally true. :::sigh::: I guess that means I should clean something, huh?

Mary
who is SO glad that lip gloss isn't evil!

susanna said...

Juj-
Why is it that a lot of weeks seem to have hard edges? :)Like Grandma B said,"Keep on looking up!"

Les-
I have to say that I would prefer to be called Lovey Loverson to Cranky Crankerson - you've got one smart girl on your hands.

Vannie-
Maybe it's not so bad to be wanty wanterson. Maybe I just need to want the right things....like "I WANT to be in DC with you guys right now"....is that \so wrong? :)

Mary Loo-
I am still working up the gumption to get to my car....I'll let you know how that goes down.:)

Jekissa said...

Sue- Sometimes it is spooky how you write what is in my head, but I could never articulate!! I especially feel you about the Target situation! You are hilarious!! And do "keep looking up." Love you- Jess

Michael said...

See that lip gloss keeps coming up. ;)

susanna said...

Mike,
you crack me up! I know you don't go for lip gloss but what about a little lip balm....carmex? Okay, non scented chapstick? We all need some added lip moisture, don't we? Sue

MrBill9999 said...

I gotta be honest with you, this blog just blew my mind. Now that I think about it, I'm always waiting for the next step - looking for more.

"What am I doing with what he has already given me."

Thank you for writing this. This is incredible.

Bill