Thursday, August 2, 2007

baby fat

I was examining my post baby body the other day.
I have never been bone thin nor do I strive to be,
but the full body cushioning that appeared with each pregnancy,
was disheartening to say the least.
And even though I breast fed each baby, I was never met by
the weight loss miracle claimed by some nursing moms.
Some friends would say,
"I just ate an entire 7 course buffet, polished off a cake,
nursed Bobby and dropped 5 lbs within the last 24 hours."
My body always likes to hold on to a good 15 lbs.
to aid in the high quality production of milk.
I had enough to feed a small nation.
It always takes me a good six months to drop the rest of the baby weight
when I have finished nursing.
And that is where I am now, amidst the drudgery of trying to lose
those last for-heavens-sake-would-you-just-go-already 10 lbs.
I can squeeze into my pre-pregnancy clothes
but I appear a bit sausage like.
If I sit down in my jeans, I feel faint because my airflow is cut off.
In the mail, I received a coupon for a free sample of
Sculptz Multi Shaper Shortz which claim I will instantly look slimmer
as it flattens my tummy, slims my thighs, shapes and lifts my rear,
and smooths my hips.
I once tried on a full body shaper and got my head and right arm
caught in the opening of its vise like grip.
I began to panic in the dressing room and
could not see my way clear through the lycra.
I almost had a cardiac arrest in Ross.
When I finally managed to get free, I hurled it to the floor,
symbol of oppression that it was.
I will be sticking to my weight loss regimen of eating lots of salads
and the occasional morning walk.
Not a quick method, I know, but it's doable and CPR is not required.
And as for sending away for the "super girdle",
I just want to know who put my name on their mailing list.

8 comments:

Shane said...

Ha ha! Hee Hee Hee! I can so relate... wait... no I can't (It was still good). I'm a fan of the tired supergirl!

Marie-France said...

I saw you the other day...I thougth wow she looks great!
So I don't buy it:)

Leslie said...

Tai Bo...Winsor Pilates...Dance-a-thon, dance off the fat vidoes! I've tried them all (the price you pay for watching informercials in the middle of the night while nursing). If we lived closer to each other, maybe you and I could dance off the last of the baby fat together. Love you!

Leslie said...

Oh yeah...and I just ordered Fit Flops. Have you heard about those? They're flip flops that are supposed to tone your legs while you wear them. I know...I know...you finally found that sucker that is born every minute! If they work, though, I'll let you know.

upwords said...

WAH! I don't know who put you that mailing list. (I've seen you, you don't need to be on it). Those all-in-ones should charge admission. It's like a ride getting those things on! LOL

susanna said...

mom love the post (stop calling addi that)...lol jack

jessi said...

Tooooo funny!!! I hate those all-in-one things too... I mean, really, where do we actually think all that fat is going to GO when we put it on anyway?!?!?

susanna said...

Glad to see I am not the only one who has struggled with the full body shaper....and Leslie - I am waiting for my fit-flops...send them on over. :)