Wednesday, September 12, 2007

times have changed

I realized this morning,
when I remembered that my lipliner needed to be sharpened,
that I am a different woman than I was 6 years ago.
First of all, I haven't worn lip liner in months
because it is so dull that the sharp shards of wooden pencil
on the sides had been exposed and were gouging at my lips.
And while it did add a bit of color, it was only because it was
actually shearing off the top layer of lip skin.
Not pleasant. So it has lain dormant in my makeup bag.
But I am going on a minister's retreat
with Scott for the next couple of days.
Alone. Can I get an "Amen"?
Scott and I haven't been away together, sans children,
since our 9th anniversarsy, 2 years ago this October.
We went to San Francisco, stayed at the Savoy in the theater district,
ate at a fantastic Indian bistro and went to see Rain by the Cirque d'Eloise.
It was amazing. Just being the two of us again.
We were without children and we began to pick up
that couple relationship.
That relationship that just included me and Scott.
We laughed a lot. We slept in. We drank coffee without interuption.
And that relationship is so very far away in my memory
that it is almost hard to recall.
It is lost amongst the mayhem of life with three children
and the inability to secure a date night for ourselves.
It's a little too let's not dwell on it.
So I am gearing up for 2 1/2 days without kids in lovely Monterey.
I will be able to sit in sessions and hear things about God
without little people clutching at me and asking "Why?" and "How come?"
We'll be able to chat with friends without making potty runs-
unless we are the ones who need to go potty.
We'll be able to sleep through the night.
That thought alone brings tears of joy to my eyes.
We'll eat leisurely meals and spend the afternoons any way we want.
So I thought it might be nice to wear some lipliner.
And in thinking of lipliner, I realized
I am truly changed from that woman I once was.
I am no longer the woman that existed, before I birthed
unbelievably large children who look exactly like their father
even though I was the one endured months of nausea,
midnight leg cramps and 20 hours of labor per kid.
The woman who wore outfits that matched and made it places on time.
The woman who read books and went on dates every week.
The woman who had the tools of beauty close at hand.
Because six years ago, I would have reached into my makeup bag
and pulled out a sharpener, whisked away the shavings of the dull pencil
and applied a fresh coat to my lips.
I would have had tweezers, nice lipstick
and an eyelash curler at the ready.
Instead this morning, I rummaged through a drawer
filled with toothpaste tops, lotion bottles and cotton balls
looking for anything that slightly resembled makeup.
And then, without any shame, actually, with quite a bit of pride on my part,
I knew just where I could get a sharpener.
Jack's backpack.
Times have changed, tsgs.
Times have changed.


julie said...

Ok Sue, you just articulated my greatest fear about having children. How do you do it and not lose yourself?

Is it a process? Does it happen gradually and you just one day realize you've gone down that slope and didn't even know? Or do you feel the slide?

Arrrrggggh! I'm all for being the best Mommy I know how to be and trusting Jesus for the rest - but a girl NEEDS her lip gloss too, right?

Amy said...

You're not the first person to raid a backpack for a pencil sharpener so you could do your makeup. I'm sure you won't be the last. But you do have a way with words and making me smile while you tell the story!

scott aughtmon said...

run love jack

emilymr said...

"... before I birthed unbelievably large children who look exactly like their father even though I was the one endured months of nausea,midnight leg cramps and 20 hours of labor per kid."

HA. HAHAHA. not that we're bitter or anything... ;)

(i just threw out my [only] lipliner. i got it before i got married.)