Wednesday, June 11, 2008

summer shaving blues

disclaimer to any tired superguys who read this blog:
This may or may not be something you want to read about.
Leg hair. I'm just warning you up front. It's not pretty.

The other night we were hanging out, lounging on the floor playing a game.
Will was leaning up against my legs and then pulled away.
Taking a very close inspection of my knees.
Then he said very seriously, "Mom, why do you have HAIR on your legs?"
To which I answered, "Will, everyone has hair on their legs."
And this sent him off to inspect his own hairy legs.
Thank goodness. Because I do not need anyone reminding me of my hairy legs.
I should have answered Will's question with another a question.
My question would be pointed toward the heavens.
"Why DO I have hair on my legs?"
We are not in an ice age here. There is no need for my bodily warmth
to come from the hair of my legs.
I do not appreciate the hair on my legs.
Because of shorts and because of shaving.
In winter it is not such an issue.
It's not like I just let myself go in the winter and become a woolly mammoth.
I shave in the winter. But my legs are not bared to the public.
And the last thing I need on my legs
with all the little spider veins that seem to be visiting
along with the random patches of ripply skin, is a nice covering of hair.
I grew up in Santa Cruz, California. A hippy haven.
I was tramautized by seeing women wear shorts with hairy legs.
It is this picture that haunts me and drives me to shave.
But all the shaving? I gets me down. It is such a taxing process.
And I almost always miss a spot. Usually above the ankles or knees.
These I never catch until I am in full sun and then I am shocked
to discover some patch of leg hair has gone terribly awry.
I've tried other methods of hair removal.
My friend Paula and I ordered NADs off of TV about 10 years ago.
Somehow they convinced us if we rolled a concoction of honey
and other natural ingredients on our legs and ripped
out the hairs by applying strips of linen to the honey and pulling,
our would legs would be silky smooth for months. At least six weeks.
I believe I ripped some skin right off. And I wept a little.
And my legs were not so silky smooth as sticky. Because it was honey.
And then once, my friend Rosemary was going for her estheticians license
and offered to wax my legs for free and I said, "Awesome!"
But I was 8 weeks pregnant and forgot that your body holds on to all your hair. With a vise like grip. That was regrettable.
I've tried Nair. But just the scent alone killed some brain cells.
And so I am back to shaving.
But I'm going to buy some fancy shaving cream and one of those
venus quadruple razors within a single razor and a built in moisture strip
to make myself feel better.
Because it must be done.
Lest I become one of those women whose hairy legs
haunt children's memories into adulthood.

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Kelly @ Love Well said...

Thank you for thinking of the children.


I agree that shaving takes a tremendous amount of time. But it's worth it, for me. I can't stand stubble.

By the way, my half-Asian husband has no hair on his legs. Where's the justice, I ask you?

Brianna Inman said...

Hey Sue, can you send me your address, We are trying to get something out to you. My email is Ill tell you more in the email.

Jen said...

OK, you need to check out a razor called the Intuition... I know, it sounds cheezy, but the great thing is this razor takes away the need for shaving cream. I found it when I was pregnant and the task of getting to all the areas of my legs was too taxing, but it's so convenient that I use it all the time now. I just stand up and use it in the shower. Of course, I have to do a more thorough job every couple of weeks, but this takes care of things every day or two.

And no, nobody paid me to write this. :)