Thursday, January 15, 2009

peace or something like it

I have always thought of peace as a feeling.
Like an overwhelming wave of softness that settles on your soul.
Or a heavy calm, a contentedness that sits in your mind.
But most days, with 3 little boys, 1 big one, a church plant,
school activities, bills, mildew on the shower curtain and
a small gathering of ants camping out near the foot of the tub,
I find myself screeching, "Can't I get a little bit of peace in here?"
Sometimes I think I should be able to find peace in my bathroom
if I just lock the door. Or by reading a book under a throw on the couch.
Or by driving far away by myself with a tall cafe misto from Starbucks.
But that is more like an escape.
So maybe peace isn't a feeling. Maybe it is an action.
Choosing to go with what God is sending my way without resistance. Peace.
Accepting the chaos and the joy of a full household with a resounding, "Yes!"
instead of trying to retreat. Peace.
Revelling in the moment instead of worrying about the future. Peace.
Looking the things that scare me the most in the eye and moving forward. Peace.
Maybe peace is forgetting about my limitations and focusing on God's abilities.
Or maybe peace is about the passing of fear.
The knowledge that circumstances are not changing but the way I view God and his place in my life is.
I'm not sure how this next year is going to turn out. But God knows. Peace.
I gained 5 lbs eating scones at Christmas. But God loves me anyway. Peace.
I don't understand how life works. But God does. Peace.
I'm not exactly sure how peace moves or how it found its way into my soul.
But I felt a small surge of it this morning.
And I'm going with it.


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13 comments:

Jodie said...

Awesome.

And very well said. It's good to read this.

Rachelle said...

Peace...Soak it up Sista ;)

Girly Muse said...

oh this is good. i needed to hear it.

scott aughtmon said...

I love your mind and your way with words. :)

jenny said...

I second what Scott said. A good read for me this morning for sure. Thanks for sharing your heart and much appreciated perspective.

Auntie Jan said...

What a great way to start the day, thanks, I needed that.

Erica said...

This is really good, Sue. I love you!

Lois Lane II said...

That post was very peaceful. =)

Karen said...

Susanna,
We had lunch with your folks in Colorado just before Christmas. They told us about your book--and that Revell is buying your next one, too!
I recommended it to our Vineyard church bookstore here in Urbana. I thought it looked wonderfully honest and funny.
Blessings,
Karen Rabbitt
www.tradingfathers.com

allegra said...

Beautiful, Beautiful, Beautiful! Maybe that is why Peacemakers shall be called the sons/daughters of God? In the midst of our chase for it, we find that it is something we were already given. Thanks for the insight!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I'm not going to church tomorrow, because I got me a sermon right there.

(Just kidding about the no church part, by the way. A joke from a pastor's kid to a pastor's wife, you know.)

Kara said...

Didn't you mention in your book that you tend to lean on chocolate to help you through these tough times? Or was that a bad thing? Wait - you are supposed to go to Jesus too- right? And maybe a little chocolate is ok too.

Oh well. Enjoy your peace Suzie-Q! Glad to hear Jesus is speaking to you!

Jen said...

So true. And I'm there with you on the five pounds gained from Christmas sweets!