Monday, January 17, 2011

i need some forgiveness please

Sundays seem to be my breaking point.
I ended up having to apologize to my kids and husband yesterday,
for once again, completely losing it
45 minutes before we had to leave for church.
I wonder why I always want to throw down on the days
when I have to teach Sunday school.
I usually end up at the church, lesson plan in hand,
feeling penitent and as my friend Rodney would say, through.
(as in "I am through!" and I was)
It's as is if the Lord needs to work something out in me
before I can pass it on.
Luckily, we were talking about Adam and Eve in class.
About the Garden and the Snake and
how Adam and Eve did exactly what they were told not to.
And how we do those things, too.
We had a time of confession in class...
I told them how I had stole gum from the store when I was little
and I got busted and had to go back
with money from my piggy bank and apologize.
The kids admitted to hitting and being naughty.
There was even a biter in our midst.
But then we talked about how God forgave Adam and Eve.
And how he forgives us.
And mostly I needed to hear that myself.
Because I needed some forgiveness yesterday.
I'm sure I will require some today as well.
I needed to know that God is still offering it,
lo, these many years later.
I needed to remember that in those moments
when I make a mess out of things,
(fighting with Scott, nagging the children,
embracing a poopy pants attitude)
that he still loves me. And that he can redeem what I cannot.
I felt his redemption yesterday in the words of my kids,
"We forgive you, Mom."
And in Scott's hug. And in the song we sang during worship.
"Great is your faithfulness, oh God.
You wrestle with the sinner's heart."
And in Sunday school,
as we stamped apples in paint on papers that said,
"Adam and Eve at the apple. And God forgave them."
So this morning, I am holding on to yesterday's grace with both hands.
And am thankful, that God, in his rich mercy is still in the
business of forgiving.
Especially on Sundays.


Girly Muse said...

as with so many of your posts, i can usually relate...but oh girl, can i EVER relate to this one.

"His strength is made perfect in my weakness" is never more true for me than on a sunday morning. sigh. i'm grateful for forgiving kids, husband and most of all, a forgiving God. and for people like you who are honest and real about their struggles.

Belle said...

Excellent post.
I just told someone my husband is an idiot (sort of joking), and I've felt guilty about it for days.
I know God has forgiven me, but I've been working on not saying things like that. I'll keep asking God to help me.

Pilgrim said...

I hear you... I was in need of a good deal of God's grace this weekend as well.