This is the thing.
I have been in one of those moods lately.
One of those 3 month long moods where I feel like
I am on perched on the brink of something new and fine
and hard and out of reach.
Like something needs to break open inside of my soul
so I can move forward.
Like I need a new song to sing because the old one
just isn't cutting it anymore.
I know there are things in my life that need to change.
I could tick them off to you one by one.
But that is the same old same old.
I always need to be filled with more of Jesus and less of me.
That is a given every day of the week and twice on Sunday,
as Scott's granny likes to say.
But for the last few days I have had these words
impressing themselves on my mind...
Are you ready for the work?
As if the Holy Spirit is distilling a single thought in my spirit.
I mean, I talk big and all, wanting to risk it all and be free of fear
and trust God for more and better and bigger things but really....
am I ready for the work?
Because I am coming to believe, after lo, these many years
that there are specific things that he has for me to do.
Things that have not yet been wrought from this somewhat tired frame,
this mind, these hands, these feet.
It is my great hope that the best is yet to come.
That there is still good stuff out there with my name on it.
And I have also come to believe that most of the good stuff...
is hard to come by.
It takes faith and hope and perseverance and a belief that God
is in the work...in the dust and filth and murkiness of daily life.
And I think that God knows that I want to be a part of his work.
Of the loving and changing and believing in more than I can see.
But he needs me to know that I am going to have roll up my sleeves
and listen to his words and plant my feet in the wide goodness of him
before any of that can come to pass.
And he knows I prefer to free lance.
To do things my way. Take my own sweet time.
On most days, it's not my nature to let him have his way.
And that is where I am tonight. Pondering.
Am I ready? Probably not. But I am willing.
And I got a good strong word from my good friend Sara Bareilles
I do enjoy a good Sara Bareilles song.
I made up my mind when i was a young girl
I've been given this one world
I won't worry it away
But now and again i lose sight of the good life
I get stuck in a low light
But then Love comes in
I get one shot at this, you know?
And whatever the One who created me has for me?
That is the work I want to do.
Looking to him for the next step, the next breath,
palms up, honest and real,
no matter how scared I am.
I don't want to come at it dragging my heels,
doubting his words and prompting,
wishing I had lived different yesterday.
After all....his Love came in.
That should make all the difference.