Scott and I have been reading a 40 day prayer challenge for Lent,
Draw the Circle by Mark Batterson.
Mark uses circling as a metaphor for continuous prayer about the
dreams, miracles and breakthroughs that we need God to bring about in our life.
Each day has been encouraging and challenging.
But at the same time, I have felt this block. This wall. This wedge when I pray.
I am praying but I am not really believing that my prayers hold any weight.
Even as I have been praying I have been doubting that they would be answered in
the way I wanted them to be. Probably not the most effective way to pray.
Yesterday when I was in the parking lot at Trader Joe's,
I was shooting up a prayer to the Lord. I talk to him a lot in the car.
And this Holy Spirit thought pierced my prayer mid-sentence.
You don't believe that I have good things for you.
I couldn't even deny it. I simply burst into tears.
2012 was a year of prayer and fasting for us.
We prayed for a house. We prayed for our friend Shelly to live. We prayed
for our church to grow exponentially. We prayed for a lot of things.
We prayed and then we prayed some more.
And when God did not move as I begged him to, I lost my prayer mojo.
You would think I wouldn't be so fickle. Clearly, you don't know me.
But I have high hopes for me, anyway. I know that God isn't done with me.
No matter what I feel, I am choosing to do life differently, remember?
Reading Mark's book is in keeping with my new approach to life this year.
Joy upon joy. Hope after hope. Believing in the One who holds my world in his hands.
So when He zinged me in the parking lot with his truth all I could say was,
"You are right. Forgive me. Make me new."
I think hands down it is the best prayer I have prayed yet.
It wrenched something free in me. It was like a root canal for the mind
When the truth does its work we finally get a clear view of the truth.
God doesn't just have good things for me.
He has good upon good upon good things for me.
So gripping this truth with both hands, I am turning my heart towards him once again.
Open. Expectant. Hopeful.
And that's good.
4 comments:
I completely agree! If I am totally honest, I don't believe God has good things for me, or moreso that I DESERVE good things. Which is total baloney. He loves us so much and wants nothing but GREAT things for us. All that struggle just keeps pruning us.
needed that...thanks
This is something I struggle with, too. Life has been hard for my family, also, during the past few years. I see so many hard, painful things going on around me that I often don't see God's goodness in it. I see God allowing his people to hurt, struggle, barely get by, etc, and I wonder, "God, where are you? Where is your love and healing and provision?" I'm learning God's definition of goodness is different then mine.
ME TOO! I'm learning a very similar lesson a bazillion miles away in IOWA, reading the VERY same book! NICE!!!! I picked that one up while visiting my friend in D.C. and it has been great. I'm also learning the lesson about prayers being answered over time.... :) Something I've never been good at either: patience. :) Thanks for writing! I love your words.
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