Wednesday, February 12, 2014

top 9 worst things to step on barefoot in your house

For those of you who have children, these are 9 things you should avoid stepping on at all costs.
9. Random Table Food Droppings
Whether it is a banana from breakfast, macaroni from lunch or guacamole from dinner,
the worst items to step on are the ones with the squishiest textures. Cleaning something soft
and yogurt-like from between your toes may make you gag a little. This is understandable.
8. Barbie Shoes
While I do not have the pleasure of having Barbies in my house full of boys, these bad boys
have been known to drop a sister to her knees. All Barbie footwear should be thrown away
immediately when taken out of the packaging.
7. Syrup and Honey
While not painful, syrup and honey are disheartening since with one foot plant you somehow manage
to transfer them to the entirety of your kitchen floor which leads to the necessity of mopping.
For some reason, you usually miss some of the stickiness on your first once over and have to
mop more than once. Any food item that increases house work should be trashed.
6. Disney Pins
Let's just call these what they are. Satan's thumb tacks. I know they have Mickey's pictures
on them but their steel spikes can drive straight through tender flesh and leave you weeping on
the floor. Clearly the work of the Prince of Darkness.
5. Bathroom Wetness.
You walk into the bathroom. The floor is pooling with liquid. Is it shower water?
Is it toothpaste spit that missed its mark? Is it toilet overflow? Is it pee-pee? It doesn't matter.
All are to be avoided. Try to stick to stepping on the bath mat....unless, of course, that is wet, too.
4. Pet Droppings
I know you want to have an animal to love and for your children to nurture. But is your animal
loving and nurturing you when he leaves his special gifts around the house to step in?
I don't think so. It may be time to consider collecting plush animals instead of real ones.
3. Disposable Dental Flossers
These should be really be called Mini Heel Daggers. We like to promote good oral hygiene
but not at the cost of  one's ability to walk. Stick with strings of dental floss...
they have never hurt anyone.
2. The Pointy Lego
This devilishly sharp plastic building block can fell the strongest of women
and release the beast within to scream things at the children like,
"If I step on one more Lego, you are going to have to find another place to live."
And lastly but certainly not leastly, the number 1 worst thing to step on in your house is....
1. The Mystery Puddle
You don't know where it came from or what it is...and honestly,you really don't want to know
but I have had to ask a child,"Did this come from your mouth or your bottom?" Neither
is a great option. Just get out the hazmat wipes and pretend it never happened.
Here is a thought after making this list....combat boots.
Go buy some now.


Katy W. said...

I especially hate number 5 and number 1 when I am wearing socks...there is no quick escape!

susanna said...

You are so right, Katy! Socks don't really help at all!