Monday, January 26, 2015

according to my stylists i have a lot of work to do

The last time I looked, I had three boys.
Boys who were interested in basketball, drinking soda and passing as much gas as possible.
I had no idea that these children consider themselves very fashion savvy and
have taken it upon themselves to get me ready for the red carpet every morning
when I walk out the door.
Their commentary has left me breathless.
The other day when Addison, my eight year old, was sitting next to me on the couch,
he looked down at my shoes and raised his eyebrows.
I was wearing a pair of  women's brogues.

Worn with skinny jeans and a cute shirt, they are very stylish at the moment.
Or so In Style magazine says.
My son, on the other hand, said, "Ummm, Mom? Why are you wearing men's shoes?
Did you accidentally get them from the men's aisle of the store?"
"They are not men's shoes."
"They look exactly like men's shoes."
I gave him a withering look and said,
 "Just remember who feeds you, buddy. Be careful what you say."
I am not above silencing my critics with threats.
Will, the eleven year old, has been paying great attention to my hair.
He told me this week, "Mom, you know there is so much white in your hair right now."
"Really? Thanks for that."
He smiled lovingly, "Yep. I think you probably want to color it again soon....
because there is so much white."
He made sure to repeat it so that I wouldn't miss out on the fact that I have
SO MUCH WHITE in my hair at the moment.
In Will's mind my hair looks like this:

Jack is in junior high. Of all the boys, I would expect him to be the most
aware of fashion. He could care less about himself and what he wears.
But he is very aware of what I put on.
This past Christmas, I was singing a solo for an outreach at our old church.
I wanted to look festive.
I had on a red shirt and tried on a gold statement necklace with lots of charms.
I thought it was fun.
There was a general outcry when I walked out into the living room.
Will said, "Wow. That's a lot."
Addie hid his head in shame.
Jack took one look at me and said, "I pity the fool who wears that necklace."

So since I didn't want to look like Mr. T, I took off the necklace and wore
something more stop the heckling.
Scott remains silent about my fashion sense or says things like, "You always look beautiful."
Because he values our relationship and he doesn't want to be stabbed with
a pair of dangly earrings.
But today I am going with a pair of sweats and Pumas.
I just can't take the judgment from the peanut gallery on a Monday.
I am pretty sure they will approve.

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