Last night was one of those mothering nights.
You know the kind where you lose your mind because you have asked
the children to do something 713 times and they still look at you like,
"Did you just say something?"
So you become a yeller
and you can tell by the expression on their faces
that you have become someone they no longer recognize
and they are clearly wondering if is there any chance in the near future
that "Nice" Mom might make a visit?
I put them to bed without kisses...not that they wanted any from me.
My back was so tense that I had to go do my rehab exercises
on my bedroom floor.
It was there doing leg stretches that I cried and had to ask Jesus to forgive me.
I don't think he is super fond of me yelling at his kids.
I think when Paul was telling the Corinthians that if they are in Christ,
they were a new creation,
the old had gone and the new had come,
some of them may have been struggling with yelling.
When we are talking to Jesus and being in him,
we can't hide from who we are or what we have done.
It all hangs out there. It's ugly.
But he can't work on that area in our hearts if we keep it to ourselves.
And for some reason, He keeps on loving us.
Even when we are mean.
It is hard to see ourselves for who we are.
Especially when we want so much to be the person we are created to be
i.e. non-yellers.
But slipping into that old skin of anger and selfishness and self-righteousness
is so much easier than asking Jesus to make me new.
I know how to do angry and irritated. I am pro.
But calm and logical in the face of blatant disobedience...not so much.
The kicker must be the "in Christ" part.
I have to be willing to invite him into the heat of the moment and say,
"Okay, what does being "new" look like in this moment?" or
"What words would you like to come out of my mouth right now?" or
"Does being a new creation mean that you would like me to take a time out
and do deep breathing exercises?"
Instead of giving in to the rush of emotion that overwhelmed me,
what would it have been like to feel the rush of his presence, holding me steady,
leveling me out with his peace and self-control?"
I can't change last night but I can let Jesus change who I am today.
Today is a new day.
We started out the morning with hugs and hot chocolate.
I told them,
"I was wrong last night to yell at you. I am so sorry I did that. I am going to get better at it."
Will kissed my cheek and said, "It's okay, Mom...do I still have video games?"
Being a new creation is a daily business.
Sitting with Jesus, letting him see you for who are is an ongoing process.
Letting him work out his grace in your life and heart is like oxygen.
We have to have it on every moment of every day to live the new life that
he has for us.
So....let the grace flow and the good, new work begin.
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