Thursday, June 11, 2015

apparently the children are starving or we have or the other

Remember that nursery rhyme about Old Mother Hubbard?
How she went to the cupboard to give her poor dog a bone?
And how when she got there, there was absolutely nothing to 
to give her poor dog and the dog was bereft and cried and whined
and threw itself weeping onto the floor, saying,
"Why? Why is there no food in the house?"
Oh, wait, no, that wasn't the dog....
that was my 3 boys when they opened the refrigerator yesterday.
And I can tell them why there is no food in the house.
Because they ate it all.
The only thing that is safe is a giant cantaloupe on the top shelf
and truth be told, none of us is that keen on cantaloupe but 
I am saving it for Scott and me as our last food source.
I keep telling them,
"We have a certain budget for groceries...
you can either eat all the food I get in one day
or you can spread it out, say, over the whole week,
like normal, sane, regular eating people."
All they hear me say is,"Blah, blah, blah, food, blah, blah, blah, blah."
They look at me with pitiful eyes and say, "Where did you say the food was?"
Scott says we should offer them one meal a day 
and then lock them out of the house and let them forage for the rest.
I feel it would be wrong to unleash them on the neighbors 
since we brought them into the world and all.
Scott blames me.
"Listen, if you would just feed them junk food, it would stunt their growth
and we wouldn't have this problem."
But I am trying to nurture their young bodies.
I just didn't realize I was growing giants.
I bought 6 lbs of apples yesterday.
As of this morning, we are down to 5 apples.
Apparently, the apples are not so filling.
I am thinking of serving the rest up with a side of sand today. Maybe tar.
Something that weighs them down and sticks in the gut.
Jack informed me, "Mom, we are running low on cheese."
And I cannot for the life of me remember the last time we were running high on cheese.
Because as soon as it comes into the house, it is devoured.
I have started yelling things out like, "You cannot eat a whole loaf of bread" and 
"Back away from the peanut butter."
Things you would never think a kind and loving person would have to say.
So all of that to say, if you are thinking of asking us over for dinner this summer,
I am warning you in advance.
You will need to butcher a cow and buy an acre of corn, but then, yes, 
by all means, we would love to come over.
Because, in case you didn't know, the children are hungry.


Lindsey @ said...

Oh Sue, I'm afraid that with your three giant boys it's only going to get worse. I've heard quinoa fills you up. I'm afraid of it myself, but maybe that will tide them over between their apple binges?

Love to you and your sweet (hungry) family.

susanna said...

Lindsey! I fear that you are right....and I am pretty sure that none of them is down with quinoa...but I might eat it myself since they have eaten everything else! I don't want to scare you but I think this is possible your future with your own sweet boys, in say, 10 years! :) Love back to you and all 3 of your beautiful boys! Sue

ChristianMom2Boys said...

I feel your pain, Sue. We've got our own two, and since we've moved, our home has become the hang out. And we are feeding a minimum of two other boys snacks at least three times a week.

They try to say they aren't eating the snacks, but I find the wrappers... stuck between the couch cushions, in the drawer that is meant to only house video games. But, it's not them eating the snacks. Apparently the couch and the video games were hungry!

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