Sunday, June 7, 2015

reaching for the light

Ever since I had post-partum depression with my third little guy,
who is actually not so little anymore, I have realized the importance
of filling my mind with good things.
Those sullen days can shadow me on occasion.
I have had to learn that when life takes hard turns,
I don't have to let myself spiral downward.
I have a choice...I can turn towards the persistent pull of dark thinking,
being engulfed by hopelessness and despair,
I can reach for the light.
I won't lie.  It is a harder thing to choose the light.
Some days when grief or health issues or giant bills overwhelm you, you have to work at it.
Slipping into the dark pit takes no effort.
Reaching towards the light means moving forward,
when moving seems impossible.
I think that is why I love David and the Psalms so much.
He had some dark days but he never stopped looking for hope.
There are days when darkness closes in when I would like to stay in bed...
maybe for a year.
And I know that in my own strength my only option is staying stuck where I am.
But that is when I love David's word "cry".
Sometimes reaching for the light is beyond us...but when we cry out?
Hope comes to us.

I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

He comes to us. In the dark.
With His all encompassing, dark shattering, hope filled light.
And He begins to set our worlds to rights.
Because really...when we reach for the light...we are reaching for Him.
And all He has wanted all along is to grab us up and squeeze us tight.
Comforting us...holding us...singing His love over us.
It may take some time to feel the light...
but if we ask Him, if we let Him, He keeps coming back.
Dark day after dark day.
Loving us like only He can.
And that is a bright and beautiful thing.

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