you are lovely

The thought came to me this week as I was trying on dresses for my niece, Claire's, wedding,
that I could sure do with some of the muscle tone I had almost twenty years ago
when I got married.
It came to me with some other thoughts like,
If I am holding in my stomach, why doesn't it look like I am holding in my stomach?
and
Why is the skin on the top of my knee trying to fold over on itself?
Stay where you are, knee skin...STAY. WHERE.YOU.ARE.
Let's be real. The lighting in Ross is so harsh.
SO.HARSH.
.
Things have been shifting the last year or so.

I told my doctor I think I have skin cancer and a hormone imbalance
and I am possibly going blind....
I have dark spots showing up on my skin, I have to fight to fit into my own pants
and my eyes are so dry that my eyelids want to stick to my eyeballs..
She laughed and said, "You are fine. Those are age spots and you are just getting older."

I kind of wanted to hit her.
But she is super nice and I thought she might not see me again if I took to violence.
So I have been putting on cream that says it defies age which is a lot to expect from any cream,
counting calories and wearing glasses.

And here I am left with my age spots and my feelings.
And I have been talking to myself. (Another sign of aging?????)
Because I am not a twenty year old girl any more.
I don't have to plunge into self doubt because my pants are tight.
I am a woman who knows some things.
I have been speaking some deep truths to my own soul.

1. That feelings are feelings...and they can change.
And they will change.  As a woman, I reserve the right to change how I feel
about anything...at any moment...any day of the week.
2. I am getting older and this is a good thing...
the other option is going to heaven...which I would like to put off for a while.
3. This body has done some good hard work in the last 20 years
birthing people, planting churches, chasing kids and getting me places in general...
I should be singing its praises...
"Good job, body parts!"
"Way to keep doing what you are doing!"

Here is the thing...I think it is important to feel good about yourself.
I am not knocking a new dress and a strong pair of spanks. (Thank you, Lycra.)
Let's keep everything looking good and where it supposed to be.
Let's keep exercising and eating Greek yogurt and lotion-ing up.
It is good stewardship...taking care of these amazing bodies we have been blessed with.

But the truth is....at some point, say in our mid-80's,
we will realize there is NO CREAM that can truly defy age. (Sorry, Oil of Olay.)

Here is the other thing.... 
regardless of age, thigh circumference, and nose size?

Beautiful is what we are.

Whether we believe it or not.
With our various ages, unique faces and different shapes and wide varieties of hair types,
we, as women, are beautiful.
Truly.

When we are brought low by the thickness of our ankles or our overly large ears,
the deep truth that needs to wedge itself in our hearts is that
the One who created us made us in his image.
His glorious...unfathomable...beautiful image.
He likes what He made. He took great delight in the details of
shaping our high foreheads and sturdy legs and strong hands.
And he loves us.
He thinks us...love-ly.
He thinks you are lovely.
He thinks I am lovely.

So I telling myself that, too.

4. I am lovely.

Because it is the truth. Not a feeling.

I want how I see myself  and how I feel about myself to be tethered to what He thinks of me...
instead of how I fit into my pants.
How I fit into my pants is changeable. Apparently, from week to week.
How He feels about me is not.
How He feels about you is not.
He loves us completely...wholly....with his entire being...no matter what.

And that....is beautiful.

.