Wednesday, March 15, 2017
change makes me feel cuckoo crazy...
So I know it has been quiet over here at the Tired Supergirl blog.
That would be because of all of the chaos.
Because of THE BIG LITTLE MOVE.
Let's just start by saying that moving is not for the faint of heart.
I forgot how wild it makes you since I haven't moved in over a decade.
And downsizing from a 4 bedroom to a 2 bedroom?
Kind of like putting on the jeans that you wore in college after 10 years of child bearing.
It would be a lie to say it has not been a bit of squeeze.
After cleaning out our old house of 11 years of detritus...
I was trying not to cuss in my mind.
Because I know cussing is not right.
I am a girl who loves a good turn of phrase.
I tell the children, "You can always find better words to use than cuss words."
And yet, certain un-holy words seemed super well suited to the task at hand
as I loaded my forty-eleventh box full of crud that I don't ever care to see again.
It wasn't pretty but we got it done.
By the end of February, we were finally packed and all ready to move into our new rental.
But due to some renovation holdups...it wasn't ready for us.
Jesus, hold us close.
So for the past two weeks we have been staying with some wonderfully hospitable friends,
escaping for a couple nights at a hotel via some dear friends' generosity,
dropping our kids off with cousins and living out of suitcases.
For those of you who are homebodies like me,
you will understand it has been unnerving.
I have been un-moored.
I told my friend, Marty, "I thought I had dealt with all my control issues."
Nope. They were just in hiding. Waiting to be revealed in all their glory during this move.
(Say a prayer for Scott and the children. It's been getting real over here.)
And then there was the fact that I couldn't find my underwear.
Scott had packed up our closet the last day and they vanished in the melee.
My boys couldn't find theirs either. Which had me calling out,
"New underpants for everyone!"
Because you can't be sleeping on the floor and not have underpants at the same time.
This past Saturday we moved into our new little house.
And finally could take a deep breath.
Then I realized that the bedrooms
were so packed with boxes and furniture that it looked like a hoarders episode.
That laid me flat out. Like a pancake.
Our marriage has been stretched.
That is a nice way of saying that Scott and I DO EVERYTHING THE OPPOSITE WAY.
and this tends to increase tension.
There have been some emotional moments searching for Addie's lost ukulele
and toothbrushes gone rogue.
Some tears and more hugs than usual have been needed.
The IKEA triple bunk for the boys almost did us in.
At one point the ENTIRE family was working on trying to put it together.
We gave up after two days.
We could not get the screw holes to line up on the frame.
Will worked for hours trying to adjust the frame with an Allen wrench. And a screwdriver.
And then back to the Allen wrench.
Jack is studying Dante's Inferno in school.
Scott and Jack agreed that one of the rings of hell is surely occupied
by people putting together IKEA furniture that never fits.
But, by God's grace and the help of our friend, Juan, all three boys slept in
the bunk last night.
A high and heady victory. A path has been formed from the living room to the kitchen.
I found a candle to light. I even located my underwear yesterday which was a special bonus.
Hope of clean bedrooms and curtains being hung
are beginning to round out the corners of these crazy days.
Change is exhausting. Anyone who says different is lying.
Anytime you are ripped from your comfort zone, things are likely to go awry.
Transition reveals all your soft vulnerable spots and your rough edges.
I have realized how much further I have to go in being like Jesus.
REALLY SO VERY FAR. Not until heaven, folks. Not until heaven.
I have had to apologize repeatedly to the children as my emotions have gotten the better of me.
"Yesterday when I said I would try to do better and not yell at you, I meant it.
Right up until that time that I yelled at you today. Can you forgive me....again?"
There has been a great need for grace and snuggling as we have all felt out of sorts.
This seems both ironic and right with Queen of the Universe coming out.
A book I wrote for moms who need encouragement.
And me being an angry mom who is pulling all of her hairs out.
I was supposed to be facebooking and emailing and promoting the book last week.
It would have been great to be able to say during book launch week,
"Hey, I have this mom thing figured out even when life is crazy. Nailing it!"
But mostly I should just say, "I am completely un-nailing it."
Falling apart. Undone.
Jesus, take the wheel.
A lot of times the high and holy call of mothering takes place in complete chaos
with us being imperfect and anxious and wanting to cuss.
That is why we need Jesus so much. We can't actually do it on our own.
This is what real life looks like. Messy. Unpredictable. And full.
And we stumble our way through and Jesus grabs us up in His arms and
reminds us how much He loves us in spite of the mess.
And tells us that even though we are a mess, He is not leaving us there.
He has a plan. A path. A way to bring us closer to Him.
He has our family in a vice like grip even now.
I can feel His peace coming on even when I don't know the location of my deodorant.
I know that Jesus has something for us to learn in this year of small house living.
I am beginning to think it is trust. Trust in His love. In His timing. In His provision.
Trust that even in the midst of change...He can change....me.
And that....well that changes everything, doesn't it?