Sunday, March 2, 2008

the sad story of my bangs

Sometimes people don't have time or money to get their hair cut.
So they take matters into their own hands.
Their hair dresser, who is a dear friend, knows these people sometimes
cut their own bangs and specifically told them how to cut their bangs.
But sometimes even specific instructions go horribly awry
and people end up looking like this....

like Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber.
Or maybe a little bit like this....

Like Frankenstein because some people really do have high foreheads.
Or like this....

Like Mary Alice from Ace of Cakes on the Food Network...
Now mind you, this is not to say Mary Alice does not look sassy
with her short little punk rock bangs. Mary Alice has it going on.
But I do not like punk rock.
And I don't have any studded bracelets to go with my short bangs,
which by the way started out crooked,hence, I had to go shorter.
And then Scott begged me, tsgs, please do not put your picture
up on the world wide web for all of the 20 people
who read your blog to know your shame.
And he said this looking at the ground since he can no longer
look at my face for the shame of my very high bangs.
And then he had the absolute nerve to say they were still a bit
crooked and that maybe I wanted to try and have another go at them
as if I could possibly cut my bangs any shorter.
To which I shrieked, "I'm not going higher! They can stay crooked!"
And that is the sad story of my bangs.
But I did discover if I raise my eyebrows very high
my bangs look longer.
And for someone in my condition that is good to know.
I think I may try and hide my bangs
behind some large glittery barrettes.
And I know that really you would just like me
to post a picture of my hideously high bangs
but I'm trying to save my marriage, girls, I really am.
Who would have known a marriage built on love and trust
could be wiped out so easily by hideous bangs?
In the immortal words of my mother-in-law,
Pray heavy, girls, pray heavy.


Leslie said...

You just need a wide sassy headband to pull it all together. Wide sassy headbands cover a multitude of sins!


Erica said...

Is it wrong that I'm not checking to find out if I have enough mileage to fly down and see the bangs?

Erica said...

Oops...I meant I'm NOW checking it out. Because I would like to see them, and since Scott is so stingy about your picture and all....

Jekissa said...

A pink baseball cap...that is my solution to bad hair days! Or a black bucket hat or a funky little newsboy. You can make it work, Sue. I know you can!

Kelly @ Love Well said...

My husband couldn't look me in the eyes when I came back with my overall hair too short. Oh, the shame of the short hairstyle.

It's long again, now, much to his relief.

I think some sparkly, sassy barrettes is the way to go.

julie said...

Will they do hair extensions on bangs?

Put down the scissors, Sue. Next time let us organize one of Granddad's infamous one dollar offerings for your hair trim.

Beth said...

Sue, I must say your sad story brought a lot of loud laughter to me:) Bringing back a memory of my "too short" bangs and my "too thin eyebrows" at Grandma Blakeley's house...remember her reaction?! Priceless.

And, Erica, you should definately check on mileage, because it's killing me to know how the bangs look and why Scott is being so stingy?

Lastly...Julie's comment about hair extensions just killed me:) Thanks for some laughter in my day.

megsnbigd said...

Yes. It has happened to me. In fact, I think it has happened to everyone at least once. Glittery barrettes is the way to go. Or I suppose you could wear a flat version of the "high pony"...chin up, they'll grow out soon!

Kara said...

Doesn't Scott leave for work every day?? C'mon girl - whip out that picture and proudly display your mini-bangs for all to see! We won't judge. :-)

Lindsey said...

Well, my friend, I have been there and done that. I do like Mary Alice and she is sassy with all her goth gear. I'm feeling a really cute baseball cap that way you can at least give your eyebrows a rest every now and again...

emilymr said...

Oh poo on Scott. How about I do a drive-by photo shoot and put it on *my* blog??? hehe

Just kidding, Scott -- I believe in Ephesians 5, I do I do!!! ;)

scott aughtmon said...

Ok, everybody, just to clarify...

I didn't "forbid" her from showing the bangs. I "suggested" that she shouldn't.

I did it out of love, not cruelty.

I was doing it to protect her from shame and protect YOU, her readers, from an awkward moment.

Plus I warned her against it in an effort to not give the news media "shocking TSG photos" ammo they can use against her when her book comes out! :P

Just ask her, once she saw the photo I took of them she, herself said, something like, "Oh my word!"

But she's free to post the pics, if she dares to.

Just don't say I didn't warn you/her. :)

Patty said...

LOL - I happened upon this blog today and really enjoyed the posts. Seriously though, we've all been there. My sad bang story came from being cheap and going to an Aveda school for a trim. I thought, hey, there are instructors they can't do anything horrible. Let's just say 3 hours later, I was so sorry I didn't go to a real salon! My husband, after 4 weeks finally said, "it's starting to look better, hun". 8-p I'm with the rest of you though, headbands, barrettes, hats - they ALL help! Best wishes, and I'll be praying for your bangs to miraculously grow very quickly! ;-) I'll keep my eyes peeled to see if you break down and post a pic - I mean, really, how bad can they be?!

Jodie said...

Keep those eyebrows raised high then girl. Fashion has a high price! Sometimes it hurts to be beautiful! :)

In the meantime, I'm a fan of the bobby pin. Plus you can get them with cute little rhinestones if that's how you roll. :)

Hair woes huh? Who's without them??

Kara said...

My birthday is coming up......for my gift - I would like to see a picture of your sassy bangs. :-) hee hee

You can only get encouragement from friends, when you share the crises with your friends. Am I right?