Thursday, June 19, 2008


I've spent the last few days helping my mom and dad
move into their new home in Colorado.
It is no small thing, uprooting yourself from a home of 15 years
and embarking on a new adventure half way across the country.
But those are the type of people my parents are. Adventurers.
So we have been adventuring these last few days.
Unpacking. Shopping. Furniture hunting. Color matching.
Searching through numbered boxes for fans and coffee pots.
We've been adventuring ourselves right into the ground.
And of course, we have been getting lost.
That would be Mom and me getting lost.
Dad has a built in GPS in his brain.
He can find truth north by licking
his index finger and holding it up to the wind.
He can navigate a town he has never been to in 3.4 minutes. For real.
Mom and I spent 45 minutes today wandering,
driving, muttering under our breath, looking at a grid that Dad had drawn us,
trying to manuever the .7 miles from the Target to our destination.
Yes, you read correctly. 45 minutes = .7 miles in Ruth and Sue time.
How do I know it was .7 miles? We had a mobile GPS with us.
Yes, you read correctly. It is still possible to get lost with a GPS on hand.
This is because since we are both so technically challenged that we did not
realize that you have to flip the back up to activiate the system.
So while it was turned on and reciting things, there was no actual satellite
globally positioning us. And tsgs, we needed some global positioning.
So the GPS, kept saying,
"Turn right on South Lemay Ave." over and over and over.
And Mom and I, we said not nice things to the GPS.
Because her pleasant robot voice telling us to turn on Lemay Avene
almost put us right over the edge.
Because, people, there was no Lemay Avenue. Not where we were driving.
How do I know that we were nowhere near Lemay?
Well, that's because yesterday Mom and I travelled the entire length of Lemay Ave.
We became intimate with its twists and curves.
With its piney nooks and rambling pastures.
We drove the full length of a small mountain lake.
We travelled to its very end in search of Mulberry Street.
But as we surely did not find Mulberry Street,
we did, however, dead end into a very lovely sheep farm.
And Mom, being the positive person that she is,
said, "Well, I really do love sheep."
You just can't get more positive than that.
So we know one thing. Target is not on Lemay Avenue.
There are sheep on Lemay Avenue.
We very nearly chucked that GPS right out the window.
But just to give you some hope, we did finally make it to the Target.
And we promptly bought ourselves some chocolate.
Because 45 minutes of driving nowhere deserves some chocolate.
And now I better end this post and go get my beauty rest.
Because tomorrow I have some more adventuring to do.

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Kara said...

You are in Colorado? I will be heading your way next week. My whole family is meeting in Estes Park, Colorado for a camping trip next weekend. I can't believe your parents are living there now and are settling into a new home. It must be fun for you to help your momma get cozy into her new life there. Loved hearing all your GPS and navigational woes by the way. I, for one, can relate with every fiber of my being. I can't make it out of my own neighborhood sometimes! :-)

Kelly @ Love Well said...

I believe your dad would earn the moniker "Road Freak" if he were in my family. That's what my husband calls me, anyway. You'd think he'd appreciate the internal GPS. It's like my mutant super power.