There are no stops and re-starts. No do overs. No re-writes.
And so each day is its own story.
Full of its own possibilities and its own struggles.
I find it very difficult to keep myself saddled to the day I am in.
To be present in the dailiness of life.
To enjoy the quiet and the chaos that meld into my day.
My mind tends to wander. I find it difficult to stay put in the now.
I frenquently find myself visiting my yesterdays.
I replay the things that have already happened over and over,
re-living them and trying to pull up the scents and feelings of past moments.
Smiling at the glorious moments of life that I have spent well
and then cringeing at those more hideous moments that I would like to re-do.
Like the one just yesterday when things got away from me a bit
and I had a brief melt down over my children's lack of shoes
in light of the fact that we needed to be in the car headed to school.
The one where I began shrieking in banshee-like tones,
"Where in the name of heaven are all the shoes? The ones that go on your feet?
The ones that you wear EVERY SINGLE DAY? Is there not a pair to be found among you?
Have they, perchance, hidden in a magic wardrobe and are EVEN NOW visiting Narnia?"
Or something to that effect.
Those are the moments I would like to re-visit and perhaps tone down a bit.
Maybe take a breath and calm myself and clasp the wayward shoeless children to my heart in a loving embrace, saying,
"Dearest of blessed children, whom I love with all of my being,
would you be so kind as to find your footwear and do it in a timely manner
so that we will not be late to school, my sweet little apple dumplings of goodness?"
Maybe I would drop the part about the apple dumplings of goodness
but you get the picture.
But the thing is that moment is done. The shrieking has been done.
The crazy mommy yelling about tennies will live long in the children's memories.
And clearly, while I was not the sweet mother that I desired to be,
there is nothing I can do to change that scenario.
But there is this. What I do have is now.
This moment. This time. This day.
And because of new mornings and new mercies, this day can be different.
So that is my prayer. That I will be aware of this here and now.
That I will recognize the possibilities of goodness and mercy that I can pour
into whatever situation that flings itself at me.
That I can find the good grace to breathe and see the choices that lay before me.
And that I will shriek far less today than I did yesterday.
Even if the shoes are visiting Narnia.