Tuesday, November 4, 2008

smelly times ahead

When I signed up for being a mom,
I didn't realize I was signing up for certain smells.
Everyone knows that there will be dirty diapers when you have a baby.
That is a given. And maybe some spitting up if you have a reflux baby on your hands.
Everyone knows that babies cannot take care of their own smells
so you have to take care of their smells for them.
But I did not really count on this still being a problem, say, 7 years in.
But if I am honest, I need to say the smells have multiplied exponentially.
Maybe this is because I am a female in an otherwise male household.
Just yesterday, I was leaning up against one of our bean bag cubes watching tv.
Addie came and sat next to me. Scott had just put him in his pajamas.
I asked Scott, "Did you change him?" He said, "Yes, he was dry."
"No poo?" "No poo." "Addie, do you have poo?" "No."
"Are you sure, because you smell stinky."
"Sue, he doesn't have poo. I just changed him."
"Okay, I'm sure you are right but I am catching a whiff of something very poo like."
At this I put my nose near the hindquarters of Addie's footie pajamas.
Because the other thing you sign up for being a mom, is putting your nose in places
that you would rather not put your nose. Like a mommy hound dog.
It is your job to track down the smells that your children
(and possibly your husband) leave behind.
Half eaten apples rotting under the seat in the car. Sippy cups wedged under the bed with traces of fermenting milk. Your basic everyday smells of unwashed hands, sweaty t-shirts, unbrushed teeth, stinky lunch boxes with discarded bread crusts and smelly socks which have been secreted away in the deep recesses of the couch.
All of these smells you must ferret out with your heightened sense of mommy smell
so that you can right the wrong smells that are taking place in the house.
I have taken to purchasing smelly candles in inordinate amounts.
This is not a luxury. It is a necessity.
This is not for ambience. It is for survival.
I have also thought about buying stock in Febreze.
Because sometimes everything needs to be sprayed down. Febreze is a delay tactic.
You use it until you can locate what is causing the stench and can deal with it.
Just this Sunday, I opened up the van and thought,
"Heavenly daystars, something has surely died in here."
I'm wondering if the dampness of the fall weather is resurrecting that dead cow smell from this past summers' milk debacle.
I immediately got out the febreeze and sprayed down the entire interior.
I let a bit of it settle on the children as well. Just for good measure.
Than I sprayed the living room. Because for some reason it also smelled funky.
And we just can't have funky. I prefer the nice scent of citrus or vanilla.
After I put Addison in bed, who, by the way, was not stinky,
I came back to resume my position in front of the tv.
And wouldn't you know it the poo smell remained? So I began searching.
And I found it. On the bean bag I was leaning up against.
A brown smudge that smelled unmistakably like poo.
Do not ask any questions about this brown smudge.
Because I have no answers for you. How does poo get on a bean bag?
That is entirely another blog altogether.
And do we really want to know this answer? No, we do not.
After that, I decided to sit elsewhere.
And to buy more stock in febreze. And possibly, some stain remover.
And some more smelly candles. Because I have this gut feeling,
what with the teen years just five years out,
the smell situation is not going to get much better anytime soon.

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Aly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Aly said...

it may have gotten there just like wills boogers got behind the couch HAHA!!!

I want to come down there soon! and we are!...Stinky smells or no stinky smells I still love coming to your house!!


Erica said...

Oh, Sue, you are a crack up! I don't want to know where the poo came from either. Don't ask...don't tell.

CC said...

I can relate, but ewwwwwwww!! I hate most of those smells!!! :(

Kim said...

I started making my teenage son leave his tennis shoes in the garage because they smelled so bad. Yuck! I think his wife makes him do the same thing now :-) I've put up with a lot of smells in my life, but that one was beyond my capability to handle.

Kelly @ Love Well said...

You could write a book. "The Tao of Poo."

Oh. Wait.

It was a beanbag chair, wasn't it?

Lora said...

Yeah, the teen smells have started coming my way... and it's not pretty! I don't know how you can do such poetic justice to smells, Sue. You are hilarious!

Lisa @ The Preacher's Wife said...

Sorry to tell you but the older they get, the worse they stink. I have three boys who all play three sports and their rooms smell like a gosh awful locker room. I tried putting plug-ins but they pitched a fit cuz it made their 'man-caves' smell girly.

Poop is the least of your worries..lol