Saturday, April 19, 2014

beauty is not for the faint of heart

Yesterday was a red letter day here at the Aughtmon home.
After two months of my back being seized up like Quasimoto,
(sprained hips has segued into a hurt back and frozen neck...
apparently everything is connected...go figure....)
I finally felt some slight give at the waist.
Like I could almost bend down to put my pants on.
Let me just say that putting your pants on with a straight back and straight legs
is somewhat of a circus act.
A feat that is difficult to master and can lead to lots of "oohs" and "aahs".
Those "oohs" and "ahs" are just coming from me...there is no audience.
Scott and the boys have been gracious these last two months.
They are not used to me being immobile or walking with the gate of 90 year old woman.
They have helped with chores around the house.
They have put my socks on and tied my shoes.
And on one dark day of despair this past week,
Will and Addison removed the polish off my toenails for me.
Don't judge me.
I know they will both need therapy.
I can just hear them telling their wives in 20 years,
"I can't bear to look at feet. My mom made me take off her toe nail polish once.
I am scarred for life."
It's desperate times, people.
The polish that was on them had been there since Christmas.
Mine looked like I had a horribly grown out french manicure with cherry red polish.
The state of my toenails were causing me distress.
We are headed to the beach for spring break.
Flip flops are in my near future. Something had to be done.
Will and Addie were more disturbed about seeing my toenails without any polish
that actually taking the polish off.
Will said, with a grimace, "Mom, now your feet look like Dad's...except without hair."
This was the motivation that got me in the car yesterday.
I reclined the seat so that it looked like I was in a low rider.
I padded it with an ice pack and headed down the street to the nearest nail shop.
The young lady who painted them was kind and only looked at me a little strangely when
I plopped my ice pack into the pedicare chair and heaved myself on top of it.
I have stopped explaining my ice pack to people. I leave it up their imaginations.
30 minutes later order was restored to the universe.
Tangerine Creme OPI saved the day.
Now on to the next challenge.
I have to see if I can pluck my eyebrows without moving my neck.
One hurdle at a time, people. One hurdle at a time.

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