Wednesday, September 24, 2014

to hope or not to hope...that is the question

Yesterday as I was sitting at the intersection of Chestnut and El Camino,
I had a thought pop into my head that caught me completely off guard.
I wish that Scott and I could own a house.
There. I've said it out loud. That makes it real.
This is one of those dreams that I don't ever talk about since it is
such an impossibility.
We live on the San Francisco peninsula which means real estate is at a premium.
The cute little 1,400 square foot home that we rent would sell for a little under
a million dollars.
Not many church planters or writers that I know can spring for that.
Talking about owning a home here is crazy, miracle kind of talk.
There is a proverb that says, "Hope deferred makes the heart grow sick."
For those of you who have hoped for something for a really long time
and have not seen that hope come to pass, you know this to be true.
Well, I don't like being heart sick.
So I have decided NOT to hope for a house. So I won't be disappointed
I just don't let myself think of it. At all. Ever.
So when that dream thought flitted across my mind,
it was accompanied by an immediate self rebuke.
I just started talking out loud to Jesus in the car.
"Jesus, you have blessed us so much. We have all that we need and more.
Your generosity is overwhelming."
And then this was followed by a flood of guilt for wanting something I don't need.
I have a home when so many people don't.
"Forgive me for not being content with what I have."
And in that moment, I had the thought, which I think was the Holy Spirit
because I don't usually think that clearly. And the thought was this...
God made me to want more. 
On purpose.
He is the one who gives us hopes and dreams.
Not to be mean.
Not in a "Na-na-na-na-na-na! You can't have this!" kind of way.
But because hopes and dreams are the currency that He deals in.
Just ask Abraham and Joseph and Hannah.
Fear and doubt and denial...those are the currency someone else deals in.
No hope or dream is too big or too small for the God who loves us the most.
But one thing is sure... the hopes and dreams that I try to tuck away and deny and ignore,
they will NEVER come to pass.
I don't need to obsess about them.
I need to place them in the hands of the One who can do something about them.
Our God  is a God that loves to do the impossible.
Or I should say, loves to do what we think is impossible.
There is no impossible as far as he is concerned.
He loves surprising his kids with his goodness and mercy
in ways greater than they could ever imagine.
Doing miracles in the war riddled regions of the Middle East,
and the crowded back alleys of India, reflects his heart.
Doing miracles along the coast lands of California...
reflect his heart, too.
He is unlimited in his greatness.
He power is unmatched.
His resources are endless.
His love covers this earth and pins it among the stars.
His compassion has no boundaries and it echoes down through the ages shouting
with each rising of the sun,"I AM HERE!"
His mercy floods both the plains of Nebraska and the lavender fields of Tuscany.
His grace cannot be contained.....not within nations or planets or galaxies.
We cannot not fathom the depth or width or breadth of his majesty.
And this great one, this holy one,
He holds us in the very center of his palm.
And He will withhold no good thing from us.
This is the promise He has given us as his children.
He is the God of miracles and healing and deliverance and unspeakable joy.
All He asks is that we give him the WHOLE of our lives.
The struggles and victories, the successes and failures, the wants and needs,
The great joys and deep sorrows...
And the hidden hopes and silent dreams that we are afraid to think about let alone
speak out.
And then He asks one more thing...
that we remember who HE is and that we not make him....
Because He is anything but that.
So yesterday in my car at the corner of Chestnut and El Camino,
I unearthed a buried hope and sent it winging to heaven,
giving it back to the One who gave it to me, so He can do with it what He wants.
I have a whole list of hopes that I am unleashing today.
Prayers for Baby Moody #2, a petition for peace in Gaza,
that bountiful food and a new pair of shoes will find its way to
our sweet sponsored child  in Zimbabwe,
safety and provision for our refugee brothers and sisters in the Middle East
who are scared and on the run, unrelenting comfort for a grieving family in Missouri,
a good day for Scott and the boys, and the discipline to write another chapter.
Jesus promised to do more than we could possibly hope for or imagine.
I'm hoping big today.
And do you know what the craziest thing is?
Once you start putting your hopes in is kind of hard to stop.
what are you waiting for?


Kim said...

Thanks Sue! My heartsick heart needed to be reminded of this today. 😊

ChristianMom2Boys said...

Wow did that hit home.