Tuesday, March 3, 2015

being with my people sounds good

I think I have figured out that I am a ONE PERSON AT A TIME kind of gal.
I love my people in small doses.
I love a cup of coffee with 2 or 3 friends or a walk in the park with a girlfriend,
one on one with my boys or a date night with Scott.
But the big party scene is not my thing.
If I walk into a room with 20 of my most favorite people,
I feel like, "Sweet Mercy! Take me now! There is no way I can talk to everyone!"
Scott thrives in this environment, being energized by all the conversations.
Mostly, I just want to lay down.
And I am realizing that for me, social media is the big party scene of the virtual world.
Every time I open my facebook page, I am inviting 1000 people to come sit
around my breakfast table.
And they all have varying opinions,
videos of their dogs eating eating biscuits off the ends of their noses
and for some reason they have way better lives than I do.
(How can people afford to go to Hawaii for the weekend? What is their job? Can I have it?)
Now there is the slight chance that they don't have better lives than I do but
that is what I feel like when I read their posts.
I have always felt like being online was a way I could stay connected when I am
hunkered down in my bedroom over my computer on deadline.
But what I have realized is that it is "fake" connected.
Changing and checking my status doesn't really give me what I need relationship-wise.
I end up feeling anxious and slightly overweight if people don't answer back,
like I am the one at the jr. high dance leaning up against the wall
that no one will make eye contact with.
Don't ask me why....it is just what happens.
(I believe this called being "insecure". Just a guess.)
It is clear that I need to get my human interaction in a different way.
A cup of tea with a thousand virtual friends does not equal a cup of tea with a girlfriend.
Flipping through pictures of my friends' kids does not equal holding one of my own.
Liking one of my husband's statuses really doesn't have a whole lot to do with liking my husband.
It would really just be better to go slip my hand in his and feel his palm against mine
and be together...wouldn't it?
Well, that is what I have been thinking any way.
I love that I have reconnected with old friends and far away family on social media.
It has been a powerful tool of prayer for me and my family in times of crises
so I am unbelievably thankful for that.
But I think I need a bigger dose of old fashioned real people time in my life.
I need time with my people.
The ones who know me inside and out, who have seen me at my most neurotic and
still hang around and love me anyway.
And I need some face to face time instead of just face time.
The kind where I can see their smiles lines and hear their laughter and squeeze them and
ask them if there is something in my teeth.
Tomorrow my Mom and Dad are passing through California
on the way to a speaking engagement up in Oregon.
We are all driving up to Sacramento to see them.

I can't wait to see them and hug them repeatedly
and stare at them and touch their faces and soak them up.
I'm sure this won't make them feel awkward at all.
At least I won't be clinging to Dad's thigh like I used to as a small child.
Brett and Jenny are coming, too....I am so excited I can't breathe right.
I get to be with my people.
And it just doesn't get any better than that.


Carol Grimaldi said...

I was starting to feel anxious as i read your post...thought you were going t8 say goodbye to your fake friends...hope you dont because even though they are not the sitting together face to face ones, i love reading your stuff! Hope you have a wonderful time with your family!

pamela maddox said...

wow, lucky girl! enjoy every minute with your people...it's good for the soul. <3

We moved a year ago, and it is hard when there are lovely new people to meet, but like you said, you just want someone who knows all the ins and outs and still shows up anyway. Praying its the BEST!

susanna said...

Carol! No chance of that happening! :) I am just seeing the need for more cups of coffee with people I love, too! :) Pamela - being away from family and dear friends is HARD! It takes a while to build up new relationships! But each time we have moved I have found one or two more good friends to add to my people! :) I will pray that for you, too!