Tuesday, April 21, 2015

let's all take a nap

I have never been really good at resting.
Mostly because I am busy and caring for my own well-being seems at odds with life
and it feels like I am wasting precious time.
If there is a moment to be thinking of how I should take better care of my body
or mind or spirit, it is usually sucked away
by the children or a deadline or something to do with church or making the next meal.
I have some friends who are great at taking care of themselves...
friends who schedule time to go  away for a night to a retreat
or section off a portion of their day for a run or take a class to help them re-charge.
And me?
I prefer to run myself straight into the ground.
It's not the best choice.
These days I can barely keep my eyes open.
I am "pooped out" as my mom would say.
Done. Finished. Through.
I was talking to my cousin Beth yesterday and I told her,
"I have some speaking engagements coming up. What would you think if I just
laid down on the platform and said, "Let's all take a nap." That is my message
for the day."
Beth laughed and said, "I would love that! I am always down for a nap."
In all honesty, I am not just tired in body...I am tired in spirit.
I am in one of those dry, dusty places.
Where if I were a sponge I would be the hard cracked kind where you have to run 
water over it for a long time, and knead it liberally, before it begins to absorb any liquid.
I have walked with Jesus long enough to know that I have baby-stepped away from 
his grace and goodness, letting life creep in and overwhelm me. 
Scott asked me the other day, "Are you okay?"
I snapped back, "I'm fine." Which goes to show how clearly not fine I am.
What I am is.....
Bone tired. Cranky. Not particularly coherent.
With some back spasms added into the equation.
I think the back spasms are mostly Jesus saying, 
"Why don't you lay down? No...really...I mean it...LAY DOWN."
So today I am laying down.
With an ice pack. And a book on parenting teens. 
(Maybe the back spasms stem from this season of life?)
And I am sipping tea and doing deep breathing exercises and talking
to my muscles saying, "See? I am doing it. I am giving you a break. Now you can
go back to normal."
And mostly, I am realizing that I need to sidle up to Jesus 
and invite him one more time to flood the desert dry places in my spirit with his living water.
So that I can soak up his grace and swim in his peace and breathe.
And find that place of resting in his love.
Because I think it would be a good place to take a nap.

No comments: