Friday, January 13, 2017

the boys are huge but in my heart they are still 3 years old

Yesterday, afternoon I took Will to Target with me.
I am still slow walking so any help I can get with shopping is a plus.
Will brought Christmas money with him and said,
"Mom, I am going to check out the video games...I'll meet up with you."

I am working on releasing the children into the wild.
I still have mild panic attacks at the thought of not having them in my eye line.
But Will is thirteen and almost 5'9".
I am trying to give him small freedoms here and there so I said,
"Okay...see you in a few minutes."

I finished most of my shopping in not record time...
seeing that I move roughly at the pace of an injured snail.
After filling the cart, I made my way to the video game section.

No Will.
The toy section.
No Will.
The music section.
No Will.
I went over all three sections THREE times.
My tall curly headed boy was no where to be found.

At this point, I had broken out into a mild sweat.
I had some heart palpatations.
I was picking up speed...even with broken toes.

I made my way to the bathroom.
I stopped a gentleman going in....because I have no shame...and said,
"Could you please see if a 13 year old boy named Will is in there?
He's my son. I can't find him."

It had been about 20 minutes since I had last seen him..
The man must have sensed my desperation.
I heard him call out tentatively as he enterred, "ANY BODY IN HERE NAMED WILL?"

I began speed walking to the front of the store.
This means walking at the pace of a non-injured snail.

I rounded the corner and caught sight of Will.
I almost burst into tears and punched him in the shoulder at the same time.
Overwhelming relief and anger reside very closely within my person.

"WILL! Where were you?"
He grinned at me sheepishly. "I wanted to surprise you."
He held out a small bag of Dark Ghiradelli chocolate squares with salted almonds.
Tears sprang unbidden to my eyes.

Great love also resides near the relief and anger in me. I am complex woman.
"I got you chocolate."

"Will, I love that! But I couldn't find you! I was so worried about you!"
"I was at self checkout and it took me a long time
because the machine gave me the wrong change.
I had to call over a worker and show them my receipt so they could give me the right change."
So not only was Will NOT lost, he was navigating a difficult purchasing situation ON HIS OWN.

"I sent a strange man into the restroom to call out your name."
At this point Will looked down at me and grinned and said,
"Ummm, Mom, if someone comes into the restroom calling my name?
I'm not answering. That is just weird."
Good point. Don't talk to strangers. Especially in the restroom.

I took the chocolate and I hugged him.
"I keep forgetting you are so big. I love this. Thank you."
"I just wanted to surprise you."
He did. He is.

Will is surprising me with his generosity.
With his purchasing savvy.
With his kindness.
With his willingness to branch out and grow and risk.
With his giant man hands and feet.
With his ability to navigate the world around him with ease.

I am having to adjust my mom vision....and see Will for who he is.
Not little. Not full grown. But definitely not little.

It was a good night at the Target.
Even though I was imagining several scenarios where I would be running through
the parking lot chasing a would be kidnapper or bustng into the men's restroom screaming,
"I am coming to get you, Will!"

It was a good night because my growing up.

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